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You Are Your Mother's Daughter

By on May 10, 2020
SW mag image Mothers Day

By Crystal Andrus Morissette

Whether you see or saw your mother through lenses that made her an angel or a saint, or whether she has been one of the hardest relationships of your life, and has hurt you worse than anyone, your mother (biological and/or adopted) has had the biggest impact on your life than anyone. You learned what being a woman meant by watching your mother. And like I said, whether you think you are like her or not, YOU ARE your mother’s daughter.

And until you can make peace with this relationship … peace with how you relate to her, view her, accept her, like her, hate her, love her…. Until you make peace with this relationship (at least in your own heart), you will struggle.

It’s called the Mother Wound. I first heard it coined this away by Bethany Webster.

Now, I’m not asking you to fake it, forgive when you’re not ready, or to sugar coat things so that you can HEAL FASTER… because you can’t fake the deep-down feelings you have towards your mom. You can only practice rewriting the script over and over until it finally gives you peace.

So, first things first, have you ever thought of your mother as her own woman and NOT YOUR MOTHER?

  • What do you think she learned about herself growing up?
  • What year was she born in? What was going on in the world at that time?
  • Can you imagine your mother as a little girl? What was her life like?
  • Do you know if she had any trauma or abuse? Has she ever shared her story with you?
  • What do you think she learned about being a woman from your grandmother?
  • Do you think she got along with your grandmother? Did she feel loved? Important? Wanted?
  • What did she learn about her worth? Her value?
  • What did she pass on to you?

For a moment try to ask yourself, what did YOUR mother LEARN about:

  • Being a girl versus being a boy
  • What it means to be a woman
  • What it means to be man
  • Sex
  • Love
  • Marriage
  • Fidelity and commitment
  • Money
  • Beauty, fashion, and social status
  • Children
  • Education
  • Empowerment
  • God, superstition, and evil
  • Independent thinking
  • Expressing her feelings
  • Her worth
  • Her future
  • Her looks
  • Her brains
  • Her Self . . . what did you learn about you from your mother?

If you take the time to sit quietly and answer each of the above questions, you might begin to understand where some of your notions about what’s important came from. Whether you share those values or have worked hard to fight against them, you learned them from somewhere. Your brilliant brain retained the messages that were sent to you at a very formative age, and those have helped shape what you value and how you set your priorities. Believe it or not, most of your answers were formed by what your mother taught you…. And it might not be the truth. And it’s not your mother’s fault either. For thousands and thousands of years, women have been oppressed. Many of our mothers, grandmothers, and all of great-great-grandmothers were unable to vote, hold office, own property, speak out publicly, or have any rights over their own bodies. It has been only in the last few generations that women were even considered a “person” by law.

Here in North America where I live, Canada was the first country to grant women the status of “person” in 1917; the United States followed in 1920. Prior to that, the word person referred only to men. A British common law ruling from 1867 emphasized, “Women are persons in matters of pains and penalties but are not persons in matters of rights and privileges.” We were possessions of our fathers, passed down to our husbands. We’ve been “groomed” for disempowerment for thousands of years.

Over the last fifty years, the world has radically changed—from radio to television to computers and Internet. We have thousands of channels to surf now, pornography at our fingertips, chat rooms to consume us, and dating services to supply our never-ending demand. We have toys, gadgets, devices, and systems. We have wireless, cellular, satellite lives with two incomes, two cars in the driveway, and a TV in every room. And yet, with all this stuff, we’re lonelier than we can possibly explain. We’re so full that we’re empty.

Feminism was not intended to cause the breakdown of the “American family,” even if it did. It was meant to give women their rights to become empowered . . . to expand their Emotional Edges! The same way men are able to!

The problem is that many women still struggle with knowing their worth. Even in the year 2020, when a little girl is born, she is a “Miss.” If she should be so lucky as to get married, she becomes a “Mrs.” If she gets divorced or never marries, her title shifts to the stern-sounding “Ms.”

Boys, on the other hand, are born a “Mr.” and die a “Mr.” Their identity is completely separate and untouched by the women in their lives.

What many people do not realize is that the core issue at the center of women’s empowerment today is still the Mother Wound.

Difficulty and challenges between mothers and daughters are so rampant and widespread but not openly spoken about.

The taboo about speaking about the pain of the Mother Wound is what keeps it in place and keeps it hidden in shadow, festering, and out of view.

What exactly is the Mother Wound? Bethany Webster explains it in this way: https://womboflight.com/

“The Mother Wound is the pain of being a woman passed down through generations of women in patriarchal cultures. And it includes the dysfunctional coping mechanisms that are used to process that pain. The Mother Wound includes the pain of:

  • Comparison: not feeling good enough
  • Shame: consistent background sense that there is something wrong with you
  • Attenuation: Feeling you must remain small in order to be loved
  • Persistent sense of guilt for wanting more than you currently have”

Bethany continues: “The cultural atmosphere of female oppression puts daughters in a “double bind.”

Simply put, if a daughter internalizes her mother’s unconscious beliefs (which is some subtle form of “I’m not good enough”) then she has her mother’s approval but has in some way betrayed herself and her potential.

However, if she doesn’t internalize her mother’s unconscious beliefs in her own limitations but rather affirms her own power and potential, she is aware that her mother may unconsciously see this as a personal rejection.

It may feel dangerous for a woman to actualize her full potential because it may mean risking some form of rejection by her mother.”

A common objection to facing the Mother Wound is to “Let the past be in the past.” However, we never truly “escape” or bury the past and that is why we have to be committed to healing our own heart. When you don’t own your story, it owns you.

The most important thing to remember is that you can stay loyal to your mother without being loyal to her wounds.

And if you are a mother, heal yourself so that you heal your heart for your children’s sake. Heal your legacy.

Happy Mother’s Day…..

crystalsig

 

 

Crystal Andrus Morissette
Founder and CEO The S.W.A.T. Institute and Simply Woman Magazine

The S.W.A.T. Institute is the world’s premier empowerment coaching certification school exclusively for women.

 

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CrystalFounder2Crystal Andrus Morissette, Founder Simply Woman Magazine

From life as a homeless teen to coaching A-List celebrities, from having abs of steel and the Miss Galaxy to weighing over 200 pounds after having babies, Emotional Age and Communication Expert Crystal Andrus Morissette is a worldwide leader in the field of self-discovery and personal transformation. A media darling, she has been featured numerous times on Oprah.com, the New York Post, Fox TV, the Daily Mail, CBS Radio, CTV, CityTV, Global TV, Slice TV, the Globe and Mail, and the Toronto Star. Crystal is the founder of the S.W.A.T. Institute (Simply Woman Accredited Trainer), an empowerment coach certification exclusively for women that she created with fellow female visionaries Louise Hay, Marianne Williamson, Dr Christiane Northrup, Colette Baron-Reid, and Sandra Anne Taylor among others. Established in 2009, the S.W.A.T. Institute is now in over 30 countries.

Crystal is the author of five best-selling books, including her latest release entitled, “Simply…Woman: Stories from 30 magnificent women who have risen against the odds!” She is also certified in nutrition, sports medicine, and yoga.

Crystal’s message of resilience, strength, and inner power has allowed her to grace the stage with speakers such as Dr. Phil, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Naomi Judd, Suze Orman, Marianne Williamson, Louise Hay, Dr. Christiane Northrup, Dr. Joan Borysenko, Debbie Ford, Sarah Ferguson—Duchess of York, and many more. Crystal has coached women from all walks of life including A-list celebrities, best-selling authors, scientists, doctors, dentists, and lawyers to stay-at-home moms and struggling teens. Her passion is to get down in the trenches and help people become the (s)heroes of their own lives.

www.crystalandrusmorissette.com | www.swatinstitute.com 

 

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