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Women and Anger: Not So Scary After All.

By on January 21, 2014
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By Natalie Hughes, Editor-in-Chief.

 

In general when you compare the sexes, we women are the diplomats–we seek fairness and justice, whereas men over history have been more likely to engage in conflict.  We want peace more than anything: a lovely home, children with no sibling rivalry issues, family and friends who get together and everything is just…well… lovely.

News flash. We can’t genuinely achieve these things by swallowing anger and moving backwards into feelings of fear and unworthiness. The only way to justice is through courage, and you’re not gonna get there, sister, without visiting anger first.

Anger will get some balls rolling, and perhaps even hurtling through the air, but it alone will not serve your purpose if you haven’t gotten clear about your intentions, and you don’t have a fair outcome for all parties as your goal.

We are not talking about revenge… revenge is in actuality born of fear and unworthiness. You know, that nagging need to make others small so that we can feel larger? Yeah that one. We are instead talking about something transcendent, something that moves us toward love.

I had only seen anger repressed and used in a passive aggressive way in the women around me. I had seen a whole lot of fear and guilt, and taken it on for myself even though I had very little to be afraid or guilty for. I had seen and experienced plenty of jealousy among women as well, and I had felt and dealt it’s destruction.

I had no idea what we were capable of if we just harnessed the power. Think of it like Back to the Future, when Doc and Marty use the (often destructive) power of lightning to make a leap to another time… so too can we transcend toward love by being conscious of what we do with anger energy.

If we were to replace the word “anger” with “action” in our lives, would we be less afraid of it?

Is there less of a stigma attached to the idea of action? Women have been strongly discouraged from verbally expressing this strong current of energy that bubbles inside us when we perceive a threat, a wrongdoing or an injustice. It is this seat of anger, courage and action that has been my biggest teacher. I am learning, like so many women, how to allow these feelings to propel my life forward instead of the usual implosion we women are famous for.

You may already know some of the tools we leave women with at our Simply Woman retreats (and Crystal Andrus does some healing work in her telecourses and SWAT Institute on how to shift into a higher level of resonating emotion and energy.) But I’m going to give you a little window into the questions that work for me when that gurgling, rumbling feeling begins. Get a pen and write these babies down for the next time you’re turning into momma lion.

1. Are you choosing to be offended or is this a situation that requires standing up for integrity reasons?

2. What are you afraid of?

3. What is the worst case scenario?

4. How likely is that?

5. If that happened could you handle it or find support to help you?

6. What do you want? Best case scenario: you have maintained your integrity and the integrity of others has not been purposely damaged by your words or actions.

7. How can all parties benefit most?

8. What action step can you begin now to move you closer to the best resolution?

9. What support can you call on to keep you on track?

And of course, my most favorite six words that I have ever heard my bestie Crystal say,

10. “What would courage have you do?”

 

beauty_backNatalie Hughes, editor, writer, performer and songwriter, is a gifted interpreter of the human experience, expressing passion, humor, heartbreak, healing and freedom to a depth that few writers reach. Natalie is also the Musical Director for Crystal Andrus Productions, providing music for short films, international speaking engagements, and powerful meditations. Hear her in music and conversation as the co-host on The Crystal Andrus Show and Empowerment Class. Natalie lives along the picturesque waterways of Peterborough, Canada with her husband – photographer Michael Hurcomb – and her two children. For more, visit nataliehughes.com and find Natalie on iTunes,  Twitter and Facebook.

 

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