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Whose Business Are You In?

By on April 14, 2016
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Written by Andrea Lewis

There are no two people that travel the same path and though we want the best for others because we love them, we cannot carry their burdens and/or clean up their messes.

It’s not our job to fix, care take, rescue or save others. We are not responsible or even obligated to do something for someone unless they are our dependents.

Intellectually many of us understand this, yet we find it difficult to implement because we feel guilty. But if we consistently do things out of guilt, we’re unconsciously condemning ourselves!

We’re also setting ourselves up to being taken advantage of because we’re unable to say NO or set boundaries.

We believe lies we lie to ourselves and we live in denial because we’re afraid of conflict, we also have a deep need to maintain peace. But instead of peace we remain passive, put our needs aside and become obsessed with controlling the person’s behaviour.

Instead of a healthy relationship with two adults, it becomes a co-dependent relationship with parent and child.

When we offer unsolicited advice and “help” in the form of doing things for others that they could perfectly do for themselves, we’re teaching them to be irresponsible while they develop what Melody Beattie writes in The New Co-dependency as learned helplessness.

She defines a person with learned helplessness as once being a true victim of someone’s abuse, neglect, abandonment, alcoholism etc.—they were truly helpless to protect themselves or solve their problems.

As sensitive human beings we can have compassion and empathy for another, however if we’re giving too much time and energy “helping”, not only is it emotionally depleting, we shield others from lessons they need to learn.

3 ways to mind your business

1. Focus on yourself. When you judge another or want to tell them what to do, your resonating in pride—thinking that you have the “right” solutions. But it’s disrespectful! What you’re really saying is that you don’t believe that they know what’s best.The more you love and respect yourself, the more you can accept others just as they are.

2. Stay grounded. Monitor your feelings, needs and wants. When you listen to yourself, you’re empowered and    in you’re adult role—no longer sacrificing, acting like a martyr and parenting.

3. Set boundaries. Be honest with yourself and say no when you want to say no. If you feel guilty release it by writing it down in your journal, piece of paper or notes app then delete it, tear it up or burn it so that it loses power over you.Before you offer advice, your opinion or help, ask questions to get them to think for themselves, but don’t get overly involved. Detach with love and release any guilt that surfaces.

Everyone is capable of solving his or her problems. It takes courage to examine our not so wise choices, mistakes, core limiting beliefs and fears.

Only when we shine light on the things we wish were different, the answers reveal themselves.

I want to hear from you!

What aspect of yourself are you rejecting and find more comfortable to deal with when you look at another?

When did you learn it wasn’t save to receive?

What need are you fulfilling that compels you to give too much of your time and energy “helping” others?

How are rescuing, caretaking and saving someone serving you?

 

Andrea Lewis is a certified Wellness Coach, Author, Speaker and Intuitive. She is passionate about empowering women to say no to drama, codependent relationships and to remind women of their worth.  Get inspired with a free special report on Saying NO to Drama and YES to the Life of Your Dreams: http://www.andreamlewis.com/

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