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What to Do When Your Mother Energy is Sabotaging Your Dreams

By on April 3, 2023
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By Crystal Andrus Morissette

The term Imposter Syndrome was first coined by clinical psychologists Pauline R. Clance and Suzanne A. Imes in 1978 when they observed many high-achieving females who believed they were not intelligent and we’re over evaluated by others.

Jenna Goudreau wrote a compelling article in Forbes magazine that showcased women such as Sheryl Sandburg, Sonya Sotomayor, Meryl Streep, and Tina Fey, who each feared they didn’t deserve their accomplishments and considered themselves frauds. (i)

Doesn’t that sound crazy? How can these wildly successful and brilliant women look at what they’ve accomplished and not believe in themselves?

Or maybe it sounds familiar to you?

I remember feeling this same way myself when I received my first book deal with Hay House Publishing in 2003. I was having lunch with the president when he offered me a three-book publishing deal, along with a radio show on Hay House Radio & Sirius Satellite, as well as traveling with their top authors for weekend events called “I Can Do It” where I would give talks to their huge audiences.

That’s when I confessed, “I’m afraid I might not be qualified enough to share the stage with Louise Hay or Dr. Wayne Dyer. I’m not sure if I should have my own radio show with Hay House Radio and Sirius Satellite. Who would want to listen to me? What can I possibly bring when you have ‘those kinds’ of amazing writers and speakers?” He chuckled and told me I was suffering from the Imposter Syndrome. Actually, he called it the “Fraud Complex.”

Did you know that many of the most successful people in the world have worried that someone is going to discover they aren’t good enough? Aren’t yet ‘ready’? Aren’t smart enough, pretty enough, young enough, old enough, thin enough, educated enough, something enough? That they’re a fraud?

According to long-time lecturer and a leading author on the phenomenon of the Imposter Syndrome, Valerie Young, EdD, little has changed in the last three decades—except that more women are susceptible to this syndrome:

 

Always waiting for the other shoe to drop. You feel as if you’ve flown under the radar, been lucky or that they just like you. If you dismiss your accomplishments and abilities, you’re left with one conclusion: That you’ve fooled them. (ii)

 

Do you get it? You are not alone. Many people who achieve more than they dreamed they ever could are afraid they too aren’t enough when they are!

I find this even more prevalent with women who embody too much of the Parent Archetype or what I call “Mother Energy.”

The simplest way to explain the Parent Archetype is “chronic neglect of Self.”

The Parent Archetype is an outcome-oriented person rather than a process-oriented person, meaning it is not the journey that counts, it’s about getting the job done as efficiently and effectively as possible. And there is always a job to do! Most likely, they learned to be caretakers at a young age. They learned that taking care of others was the way to feel valued; putting out fires was something they did well. People counted on them, and that gave them a sense of purpose, importance, and value.

These individuals have a difficult time honoring their own feelings, needs, or desires. They feel bad taking care of themselves when there are so many others who need their help. The needs of others are always more important than their own. Doing what is right is always more important than doing what is right for them.

Both men and women who resonate in the Parent Archetype feel that “giving” is the most important value to possess. What most don’t realize is that “giving up” oneself is different than “giving of” oneself. “Giving up” leaves a person drained and, eventually, empty. “Giving of” oneself allows us to share our gifts and talents with the world, while at the same time being refilled. Individuals who resonate in the Parent Archetype, unfortunately, give up themselves.

Self-care and self-love are concepts the Parent Archetype want to embrace. It’s possible that they pass these values along to the people for whom they are caring; they just have no idea how to fit into their busy schedules attention directed toward themselves.

As I mentioned, the underlying struggle with many people who personify this archetype is in part due to the Imposter Syndrome. I’m certain I carried it in most aspects of my life, including my intimate relationships: I rarely felt worthy, so I convinced myself I had to prove I was lovable or, at the very least, good enough. This meant being a performer in the bedroom, a gourmet chef in the kitchen, a martyr with my children, and the hostess with mostess to my in-laws. I was the Stepford Wife! I was the Perfectionist! I was the Martyr! I was the Rescuer! I was whatever you needed me to be . . . I just didn’t know if I was actually good enough at anything. But damn, I worked hard to prove my worth.

Don’t get me wrong: the Parent Archetype wants to be more playful. They want to feel acceptance, joy, and peace. They don’t want to be so heavy and stressed out. They want to laugh more and be lighthearted. But they can’t because life isn’t about their needs, wants, and feelings. The Parent is saving the world—and most likely, saving you, as well. This is serious work. Life is serious work. This isn’t a put-down; it is what it is.

So, this is when the whole “fake it till you make it” comes into play. Now, this doesn’t mean you fake your degree or fake your resume. No, no! It means to forget about the fear of not being ‘ready’ and follow your bliss. Fake your way into believing in yourself just by doing it! Pretend you’re your favorite writer, speaker, role model, etc., and ask yourself, “how would she handle this? What would she do?” And then do what you believe a more empowered version of you would do until you finally convince yourself that you belong as much as anyone else!

Confidence comes with practice!

Why not ask yourself: “If I felt more empowered in my career, what would I do? ________ (fill in the blank). If money, time, and responsibilities were no object, what would I do? ______ (fill in the blank).”

It’s time for you to rise from being the wind beneath everyone else’s wings; it’s time for you to fly! Be the woman you’ve always wanted to be! It’s your time!

To take Crystal’s Emotional Age Quiz featured on Oprah.com, to see what your dominant emotional archetype is, click here!

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(i) Jenna Goudreau wrote a compelling article: Jenna Goudreau, “When Women Feel Like Frauds They Fuel Their Own Failures,” Forbes, October 19, 2011, http://www.forbes.com/sites/jennagoudreau/2011/10/19/women-feel-like-frauds-failures-tina-fey-sheryl-sandberg/.

(ii) Always waiting for the other shoe: Valerie Young, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women (New York: Crown Business, 2011).

 

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Crystal Andrus Morissette, Founder

CrystalFounder2

From life as a homeless teen to coaching A-List celebrities, from having abs of steel and the Miss Galaxy to weighing over 200 pounds after having babies, Emotional Age and Communication Expert Crystal Andrus Morissette is a worldwide leader in the field of self-discovery and personal transformation. A media darling, she has been featured numerous times on Oprah.com, the New York Post, Fox TV, the Daily Mail, CBS Radio, CTV, CityTV, Global TV, Slice TV, the Globe and Mail, and the Toronto Star. Crystal is the founder of the S.W.A.T. Institute (Simply Woman Accredited Trainer), an empowerment coach certification exclusively for women that she created with fellow female visionaries Louise Hay, Marianne Williamson, Dr Christiane Northrup, Colette Baron-Reid, and Sandra Anne Taylor among others. Established in 2009, the S.W.A.T. Institute is now in over 30 countries.

Crystal is the author of five best-selling books, including her latest release entitled, “Simply…Woman: Stories from 30 magnificent women who have risen against the odds!” She is also certified in nutrition, sports medicine, and yoga.

Crystal’s message of resilience, strength, and inner power has allowed her to grace the stage with speakers such as Dr. Phil, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Naomi Judd, Suze Orman, Marianne Williamson, Louise Hay, Dr. Christiane Northrup, Dr. Joan Borysenko, Debbie Ford, Sarah Ferguson—Duchess of York, and many more. Crystal has coached women from all walks of life including A-list celebrities, best-selling authors, scientists, doctors, dentists, and lawyers to stay-at-home moms and struggling teens. Her passion is to get down in the trenches and help people become the (s)heroes of their own lives.

www.crystalandrusmorissette.com | www.swatinstitute.com | www.SimplyWomanPublishing.com

 

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