what engaged couples should discuss before marriage

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Marriage is not just about living together. It is about learning how to do things together.

by Joy Mali

Being engaged is an exciting time for every couple. During this time we plan our futures and talk about how we intend to spend married life together. Marriage is sacred and no couple wants to let their marriage end up in divorce. All couples should be prepared for sharing their lifestyles, habits and beliefs together and in order to do this successfully, we need to tackle with our spouses the important areas of life that, if left unsorted, would probably bring conflicts to the marriage. Listed below are the things to discuss before marriage.

1. Money- Money is the most important thing that every engaged couple should discuss before marriage. Money is the number one reason most marriages end in divorce. At first, you may think discussing finances is irrelevant. You may both be working, earning more than others and your bills are taken care of. But as you go down the road, you will start to see that marriage is much bigger.

Marriage involves family, investments, retirement, childcare, education, insurance and taxes. You would also need to consider child-rearing expenses including a new home, clothing, food, education, birthdays, etc. To avoid stressing out on each other in the future, it would be nice to have a sit down talk with your partner so you can map out a plan on how you plan to achieve those goals together. Moreover, despite earning sufficient income for the present, it would be wise to start saving right from the beginning of your marriage. Set aside a budget and determine the amounts both of you need to save.

2. Debt- When you get engaged to someone, it means that you are ready to share everything about your life together. So, no matter how huge your debt is, be ready to tell it to your future spouse. Lay out everything from home loans, car loans, student loans even credit card debts. In this way, both of you will know how to budget your income once you get married and work out a solution that will help pay off the debts faster and much easier. Not only will this help the both of you out financially, but it will also help build a stronger relationship between you and your spouse because of the trust and support you put into your relationship.

3. Children- Simply knowing that both of you want to have children is not enough. Having children is expensive. Therefore, you should discuss everything from the number of children you want to have to how you plan to raise them to where you wish to send them to school. You would not want to be surprised with decisions that might take a toll on not only your relationship but finances as well.

4. Religion- When a couple has different religions there may be conflicts regarding time, belief systems and issues with each other’s families and your very own children if discussion around religion is not sorted out. Before you enter marriage, discuss how you plan to handle each of your religions. What religion would you wish your children to have? Would you want your spouse to join you in your religious traditions and events or will you be fine with practicing your religion separately?

5. Family commitments- When there are disagreements between families and relatives, they can cause grave damage to your marriage. Thus, it is important that you anticipate these events and make a plan on how you both want to handle them. The most important thing is that you both realize that your marriage is the most important thing and should not be affected by them. When these happen, do not let anger and stress cloud your judgment. Just make sure to listen and talk things out.

6. Career- Some couples argue about not having enough time for each other and for their children. When you weren’t married, your working hours must have been fine, but now that you are committed to having a family, it is important that you also allot some time for them. Discuss how much time you expect to work in the office and determine the effects that it might have on your marriage and family life. Talk about whether or not you plan to stay at your current careers or if you are going to find different jobs that would cater more to your family life.

7. Living arrangements- If you and your future spouse have separate apartments or homes, it is important that you discuss your living arrangements. Weigh the pros and cons of each place, coming to a decision on what’s going to be best for your family.

8. Retirement plans- At the start of every marriage, it is important to save up for retirement. Discussing this is necessary because you would need to set aside a certain amount of money deducted from every paycheck. Seek the help of a financial advisor or a retirement planner so you can better discuss your options and learn about the benefits.

9. Previous relationships- This issue may seem petty but it is highly important especially if one of you has been previously married or has had children before. It is very important to consider this issue to incorporate children into the new blended family or adjust some expenses due to child support, alimony, etc.

Marriage is an exciting new chapter of every couple’s life and to maintain the relationship, you and your spouse should be able to see eye to eye and understand the issues that often bring conflicts to marriages. Discuss issues before they become full blown arguments. In this way, you both are on the same page eliminating misunderstandings and miscommunications. Marriage is not just about living together. It is about learning how to do things together—from house hunting to taking care of your children to checking credit reports and scores to budgeting. Build your relationship with trust and you will be assured of a healthy and long-lasting marriage.