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Trust In Spite of Chaos

By on February 2, 2015
trust thy neighbour

Written by Renee Avard-Furlow

For some, there is a Life that starts in absolute chaos where conditioning and upbringing has set the pace for fear, worry, and unrest. This Life, if left on this path and cycle, will remain stuck and motionless. At the hand of the one who is supposed to love and nurture winds up being the worst thing for you and there is no other choice than to put away pieces of you for safekeeping. The glue that will attach all of these feelings and thoughts back together? Trust.

When a person is raised to walk on eggshells and to fear the bottom is about to fall out from under them, it is very hard to find the trust in Life that is needed. There should be a support system strong enough to withstand all of the heaviness of daily Life.

I only know one way of talking and explaining about Trust and that is to tell you my story – the short version.

In the past, never knew what mood the household would be in, and I did not know when the next time I would be hurt, scolded or shamed. I felt alone, scared and fearful all of the time. Due to this and a lot more, believe me – a lot more – I made the decision to stop trusting.  I did not trust anyone as far as I could throw them and mostly because that is how I learned things. I also learned all about deception, two-faced personalities and ulterior motives. I never knew what it was to have complete Trust in something or someone.

Then I decided to stop perpetuating this cyclical carousel and open my heart for the possibility to trust again. And when I did, I felt home, and I knew the timing was right. I felt alive and free and I knew what people meant when they made certain comments about being so very sure about Life and knowing and trusting that nothing bad was going to happen. Instead of expecting it to all suddenly change, I learned to trust that it would not.

September 2012 – My Life turned inside and out. The trust, the home, the soul-inspiring Life I was living came crashing down on me and I lost my sense of self. It started a long, tumultuous road of pain, deep heartache, and reaching my breaking point. I did not know what I was going to do, but I had to change it.

Am I okay now? Not yet. But I am getting there. I have decided to trust again, and though every part of me is trying desperately to not let my mind wander to extremes, I do get scared every now and then.

Love is giving power to someone to break your heart and then trusting them not to. This is a quote I hold near and dear as it is very, very true for a multitude of relationships. Parent/child; Spouses; Co-Workers; Friendships – all of them require a certain level of trust to be successful.

I know that 100% trust in someone or something else is virtually impossible, but, Trust placed inward is. You are the most important person in your life and you know yourself best. You do not have to seek out the trust you need, as much as you need to just reflect on your own heart and soul. Someone does not need to fulfill the duty of being who you need them to be when you can be that person now. Place Trust where Trust can be fully claimed and appreciated and in turn, you will find home and true comfort.

@ Renee Avard-Furlow
www.reneeavardfurlow.com
January 2015

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