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Transcendent Beauty: My Hope for All Women!

By on May 23, 2013
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Beauty begins with a single choice . . . to be. Imagine just being beautiful, and having the absolute certainty that you are.

by Crystal Andrus

Unfortunately, most of us have bought into the myth that if we try hard enough, we may perhaps . . . eventually . . . sort of . . . feel it. Worrying, stressing, wondering, planning, devising, speculating, and most often doubting, we’re constantly searching for “it.” But it never comes . . . and it never will, because being beautiful is only attainable with two effortless words: I am.

You see, transcendent beauty is a state of being. It can’t be bought or bottled, found or lost—it simply is. It has no real definition, for it’s in everything and everyone. It’s found in the gentle slope of a woman’s waist as it cascades around her hip while she effortlessly strolls through a crowded room. It’s in the twinkle of her eye as she laughs out loud with old friends. It’s in the tender touch as she strokes her baby’s hair, and is captured in the moment she extends her hand toward her lover with passion.

The transcendently beautiful are brilliantly lit, brimming with bliss, and radiating a splendour that’s never ending and enthralling. The aura from these people is not a chaotic, manic type of intense energy with happy peaks and sad valleys; rather, it’s a gentle, consistent, and infinite presence. Such individuals don’t look to impress others purposefully—yet nevertheless, their radiance is so powerful that the world is naturally attracted to them. They smile effortlessly and love passionately because they know that everything in their life happens with synchronicity and the miraculous is commonplace. They simply know that everything—from the way they think, feel, react, eat, speak, move, touch, and love to what they surround themselves with—will either increase their light or dim it. The fact that they shine with an indescribable quality isn’t their aim but rather a by-product of the way they live their lives.

You may think that only monks and sages can achieve this state, yet we’ve all met so-called regular people who exude “joie de vivre” even in the midst of pandemonium. The greatest teachers and healers ooze this magic, and many of us ache for whatever it is they possess. People worldwide are spending billions of dollars hoping to find it in a cream, pill, or potion. They work like mad to buy the best car, fanciest house, and most perfect outfit . . . and then feel disillusioned and hopeless when they wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, and still reject what they see. They never feel good enough.

If you feel like a member of the latter group, take heart! While achieving transcendent beauty is actually quite simple, until now it’s been difficult for so many of us to reach because our idealism—or our attachment to the paradigm of beauty—has severed us from ever attaining it. We fret that our looks are biased and competitive and unless we’re the “ideal,” we’ll never be beautiful . . . never feel good about ourselves . . . never shine.

The simple fact is that we women are so exhausted and so tired of trying—especially when we’re attempting to be something, and we’re not even sure what it is. Based on narrow-minded and unrealistic images that we’ve allowed ourselves to be fed from the media, Hollywood, and the fashion industry, most of us have a concept of beauty that takes us to about 25 years of age and then rockets ahead to the elegance and refinement of the 60-year-old woman, with no-man’s-land in between. We let advertisers show us how to create the look of ease with expensive-yet comfortable looking jeans and the perfect “sloppy” sweater, yet we aren’t truly at ease because as long as we’re “trying,” we still haven’t “become.” Consequently, our desire is still a craving and not yet an attainment.

Like most women, you might be totally oblivious to the fact that as long as you fearfully “try,” you’ll never attain—for the mere notion indicates a state of lack (according to the Law of Attraction, you can only bring to yourself what you put out). The saying “fear and it will appear” couldn’t be closer to the truth: As long as you’re staring into the mirror wishing for something else—dissecting your skin, layering it with anti-aging creams, wishing you looked better, prettier, or younger—you’ll never feel a true sense of confidence and contentment. As long as you’re exercising with self-punishment, or eating (or not eating) foods with paranoia and worry, you’ll only attract back more paranoia, fear, and desire. Moreover, trying is such a low-energy word, and it’s shrouded in doubt and discouragement: “I doubt I’ll lose weight. I doubt my skin will clear up. I doubt he’ll think I’m sexy. I doubt I’ll find someone to love. I doubt I’ll ever be beautiful . . . but I’ll try anyway.”

The truth is that even with all our newfound feminist strength, and the supposed rejection of the stereotypical beauty standards we’ve watched and listened to for far too long, many of us do still believe that our looks are subjective, and that unless we’re a size-seven with high cheekbones and flawless skin, we won’t be beautiful—and what’s worse, we may not find everlasting love without it. We may even ache with an uneasiness when bombarded with young, scantily clad women in magazines, on television, and in movies, while we convince ourselves that it’s merely our own lack of confidence and our own flaws and imperfections that make us uncomfortable. Too many of us have inadvertently renounced our own ability to innately trust in and know what is.

Nancy Etcoff, the author of the eye-opening book Survival of the Prettiest: The Science of Beauty, believes that the reason we’re so preoccupied with our looks has to do with one basic factor: sex. She says that our need to procreate is inherently part of us and that our desire for beauty is not a learned condition at all, but rather a biological one. And yet, although I agree that we’re absolutely driven at times by our hormones and biology, I must wonder, Is wanting sex or needing to procreate really what drives us to want to look better?

In a world where childless (by choice) couples and plastic surgery for postmenopausal women is becoming ever more popular, we must consider the possibility that it could also be our yearning to be accepted, needed, wanted, approved of, and unconditionally loved that has us trying so hard to be someone other than ourselves. Perhaps deep down we fear that if the world knew who we “really” were, it would be disappointed . . . maybe even shocked. So instead, we search for and find masks, facades, and smokescreens to make us “appear” whole, all the while believing that if we could just be “a little better . . . a little prettier . . . a little thinner . . . and look a little younger,” we’d have more fun, more luck, and ultimately more love and joy in our lives. Unfortunately, however, until we learn to take our masks off and explore all parts of ourselves with love, honor, and acceptance, we’ll forever feel insecure, worrying and comparing.

My hope for you and for all women is that we’ll truly begin to know and like ourselves, for self-love is only the thing that will allow us to see our own beauty. As the Persian poet Rumi said, “By God, when you see your beauty, you’ll be the idol of yourself.”

Just as the butterfly emerges from her cocoon, isn’t it time we all wake up and realize we must stop trying to be beautiful—and instead, decide that we are!

Transcendent beauty is my belief for all of us—a touch of grace for all women, young and old, to see that they, too, can feel irresistible, sexy, healthy, confident, and completely content with their reflection.

 

Crystal Andrus is a bestselling author, international speaker, women’s advocate, host of “The Crystal Andrus Show” on CBS Radio, Founder of “The S.W.A.T. Institute (Simply Woman Accredited Trainer)”—the world’s #1 online Personal Empowerment Certification Coaching School, exclusively for women, and Founder of the Simply…Woman online magazine – www.simplywoman.com. She can be reached at www.crystalandrus.com or www.swatinstitute.com

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