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Tips for When Your Heart is Breaking - Simply Woman

By on March 24, 2015
Kat Moulton

By Kat Moulton

We all go through those dark periods sometimes. You’ve heard about them. “The Dark Night of the Soul”, it’s been called. You’ve probably been through them yourself or felt stuck in them at times.

I have been there. More than a few times. Ideally we grow from those times and later when we can reflect back on them, we can find the gifts.

But while we are there, in the hurt or regret, (we wonder, what if?).   Gifts are the furthest things from our mind.  And that’s how it should be.  We need to feel angry. To be lonely, misunderstood, or maybe even fearful.  Everything has it’s time and place.

Sometimes we get to the point of actually being able to let it go.

But then what? What if you found a way to release, by accident or on purpose, either alone or with support?  You let go.  Then what?

Often there is an emptiness, a void.  A heart can feel like it is breaking.

Have you ever faced your demons or your past with honesty and felt raw after?

I’ve been there.  Raw can feel scary, unsettling. Heartbroken can feel devastating.

I had a student at The S.W.A.T. Institute ask about what to do when you’ve let go and are left feeling raw.  I’ve been pondering it since. I’ve reflected back to times I could not let go and times I’ve let go of shit that that did not serve me and what I did after.

Here’s what did not work:

• Ignoring the old feelings of pain and anger
• Ignoring the new feeling of emptiness.
• Numbing out and filling the space with some addictive quality, like excess eating, drinking, shopping, or ____________(fill in the blank with your choice of numbing activity).
• Jumping straight back into activity and busy-ness.
• Telling everyone the story and creating drama about it.
• Sharing with the “wrong” person:
– The one you don’t feel safe with.
– The one that tells you to “suck it up”
– The one that “one-ups” you with their woes.
– The one that gives you a list of “woulda, shoulda couldas”
 
Here’s what did work:

• Allow yourself time and space to feel the hollowness, the sadness.
• Feel your feelings; grieve it.  Sometimes things just plain suck.  Acknowledge it.
• Let yourself cry.
• Lick your wounds. Be compassionate and kind with yourself.
• Create space and just be. Journal about it.

Talk about what you are experiencing with a trusted source that can listen and see you, not try to fix you or get tangled up in drama.  Just sharing the burden of a hurt or shame can lighten it by layers when done in a safe space.

Then proceed with my next favorite step.  It has become my favorite because for so many years I neglected this little gem.

Fill yourself back up.  a.k.a.  – NOURISH YOU.

Be gentle and loving with yourself and do some things that make you feel good.

For me long hot soaks in a hot bath of Epsom salts and coconut oil is relaxing and healing.  When I drain the tub I picture all the stuff I don’t need to carry around anymore spiraling down the drain.  Goodbye.

Go for a long walk.

Read something inspiring.

Buy yourself some flowers.

Spend some quiet time in nature.

Do things that make you feel good about yourself.  Something that makes you smile. Something that simply makes you feel joyful.

Know that it is okay to cocoon yourself and fill yourself up.

Know that these uncomfortable feelings will pass.

By honoring your feelings and yourself, you will start to feel more energetic again.

That’s the time to kick things up a notch.  Put on some music and dance. Go for a run. Move your body in ways that feels good. Make a date with a friend to have fun.

TIP: If we don’t fill up that void in our hearts with love and tenderness, with things that make us feel alive and whole again, the void will get filled with something else.

We need to be mindful and nourish ourselves in ways that align with how we want to feel. If not we run the risk that the void will fill back up with things we probably don’t want- like drama, despair, bitterness or regret.  These things suck our energy.  We become depleted.

When your heart is breaking, ask yourself:

“How do I want to feel now?” 
“How do I want to feel when this passes?”

Your answers will lead to ways to nourish yourself that will support your well-being and help heal your heart in its own time.

 

Kate Moulton, Healer & CoachKat Moulton is a Mompreneur, Courage Coach + Desire Map Facilitator.  She is dedicated to Support Women Unlock their Courage, Own their Desires, Show Up with Confidence + Focus. Creator of the “7 Pillars to Awaken Your Courage”, Kat guides women to access their own inner wisdom and trust themselves completely.  She has been featured in Inspired Coach Magazine and contributes to Simply Woman Magazine. Connect with Kat at www.katmoulton.com and Facebook, Twitter, + Instagram.

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