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The Power Tool

By on April 7, 2014
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By Jen Cohen

There’s always going be those who roam around as though they’re the gatekeepers of every answer to every question. And most of them are. 

I’m not saying they’re right answers, or that you even asked a question for that matter– but hey, they’ve got answers. We wonder if they think we’re all hopeless Souls just one opinion short of a fabulous life– their opinion more specifically—but even when it seems they’re mounting their high horse, most of them mean well.

It may not be obvious to those on the receiving end, but they really do. They’re still lovable…quirks, opinions and all. Truth is we can all get a little stuck in our inner gatekeeper from time to time.

However, it would seem there are some who’s only aspiration is to have us down on our knees praying that they either lose our phone number or never find our online space. We all have theories as to why it is some people so strongly need to oppose seemingly…um… everything!…and with such harshness, no less. But realistically speaking, the ‘why’ is an answer that only they know (albeit, an answer probably hidden under a hundred others)

Whenever an opportunity presents itself, rest assured they will feel much obliged to take advantage. It doesn’t have to be a grand opportunity– in the online world usually the discovery of public contact information, an open online profile or any old comment box will suffice. And the most head scratching part of it is that their criticism would leave almost anyone wondering “What… was the point of that?!”

Although the internet is abundant in unsolicited (and often irrelevant) input from faceless people shielded by their computers– for many women, criticism and judgment pours in directly from a stream much closer to their heart. Some of which were born into a family of critics and some ended up marrying into one; others, from different sources.

No matter what the circumstances, most of us would rather avoid judgment.  

A lot of women have found themselves at a complete standstill–always just slightly outside the reach of their intentions because of the residual backlash of the past.

Every time they even think of moving into the arena of their own answers, recordings loop in their mind reminding them of just how much opposition they may endure if they choose to follow through instead of just follow. This can make a decision to branch out painfully daunting– especially to those who spent most of their childhood thinking their name was Your Wrong, middle name, So.

We all have the capacity to voice our beliefs, thoughts and ideas– and we all have the right to do so as well. But our voice is like a hammer. Many of us have one, but there are just some who can’t seem to use it without putting holes in walls because they keep missing the nail completely. We definitely wouldn’t go walking around in our day to day life just swinging the thing all over the place for no good reason. The same applies to self-expression.

Our voice is a tool, and if not used with precaution, we just become that crazy person everyone keeps at a safe hammer-swing distance.  

When someone’s inner gatekeeper falls out of line so to speak, as does the power of their tool—it’s power being quality contribution to interactions and relationships– and because humans are the only things that seem to not come with instructions or directions, I felt inspired to have a creative go at a User Manual of sorts– specifically focused on keeping the tool powerful.

 

1- Most people (excluding the Dali Lama’s of the world) will receive your message not as your expression, but as the feelings it evoked in them- it’s best to make sure you love the intention and resonance of your message and not just the sound of your voice.

2- When real value can’t be shared through your words, silence really is always a reliable representative.

3- Take a stand! -Unless you’re deliberately obstructing what most would consider a phenomenal view- In which case, take a seat.

4- Don’t try to turn the lights off in an art exhibit just because you can’t find an appreciation for what someone else is admiring.  Find another art exhibit.

5- If you aren’t convinced, realize it was never a requirement in the first place. Likewise, if you are convinced, know it was never a requirement in the first place.

6- You can be wise or you can be judgmental- you cannot be both at the same time.

7- Greatness does not develop from criticism. Criticism does not develop from Greatness. Be Great to help someone develop their Great. It’s cyclical.

8- There’s an old adage- If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing. There’s a new adage- If you don’t have anything nice to say, first ask yourself why that is. It’ll teach you something of worth.

9- If you aren’t making music with your message, you’re just making noise. Most people won’t stick around to listen to unharmonious racket.

10- There’s a smart way to say something that most would have considered stupid, and a stupid way to say something that most would have considered smart.

At the end of the day there is absolutely nothing wrong with keeping curmudgeons at a safe hammer swing distance, and you most certainly don’t have to engage in their battle. It’s one person on both sides of that battlefield anyway. 

Back away from their answers, never away from your own.

Keep your sights on your vision and on those who would hold your hand and listen as you describe what you see in your mind’s eye. Keep at the forefront of your plan the knowingness that those who want to see you rise will never miss an opportunity to lift you up!

Step into your arena.

 

jen taylorAbout Jen Taylor: Non-Expert Human. Multi-passionate Advocate. Lifelong student. Humorous messenger of relatability. Loves playing Double- Dutch with the blurred lines of the pragmatic and radical. Writes to breathe, breathes to write. Struggles with 3rd person expression.  Woman whose label reads ‘Warning: Contains Me. May contain traces of WTH?’

 

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