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The Hole in the Bottom of my Boat

By on December 30, 2021

By Crystal Andrus Morissette

Over the next few days, as I head into the New Year, I will spend some time in quiet reflection, taking personal inventory of myself and my life. I will ask questions such as:

• Where was I emotionally, physically, and financially at the beginning of 2021?

• What were the goals and dreams that I wanted to accomplish? And how did that go?

• What did I experience this past year? How did I handle things?

• What are my biggest takeaways or lessons learned?

• How do I want to feel in 2022? What do I need to do to create those feelings?

• What goals do I have for the next year?

• What could get in the way of me accomplishing them?

One of the biggest things I went through this past year was dealing with my sick father and his untimely death. Until he passed, I HONESTLY had no idea how much my relationship with my dad had weighed on me, MY ENTIRE LIFE.

It wasn’t until he was gone that I realized whether we were talking and seeing each other or during the many long periods of time when we had no contact, no communication, no visits, we were ALWAYS CONNECTED.

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In fact, my deep desire (you could even call it desperation) to get my dad’s love created a scenario where I metaphorically felt like I had a hole in the bottom of my boat, but I didn’t even know it. I had no idea I was constantly unconsciously trying to bail the water out, so I didn’t sink. Drown. Die.

It was draining. Exhausting. Depleting. Energy sucking.

The crazy part is that I had no idea there even was a hole, let alone knowing how to plug it. All I knew was that scooping out the water was a full-time job. Energetically. Emotionally. It kept me very busy.

This fierce man had scared me my whole life, but after his double lung transplant operation on December 21, 2019, I decided I was going to teach my father how to love. I was going to keep showing up. I was going to heal our relationship.

Instead, I discovered many of those old cliches that had stood the test of time for a reason, such as ‘you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink’ and ‘you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.’

?????? ????: My dad was still my dad. The same man he’d been all his life. The only thing that was different now was me and how I was showing up.

I was no longer the Scared Little Girl or the Angry Teenager.

ɪ ᴡᴀꜱ ɪɴ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏᴍᴀɴ ᴇɴᴇʀɢʏ.

And he felt it. My father knew the tables had finally turned, and I could feel how much he needed and wanted my love now.
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I am most grateful for the hard conversations I had with my father over the past two years. I truly believe it is because of my courage and willingness to do it differently that I was able to plug the hole.

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It got me thinking about the other relationships in my life that are constantly consciously or unconsciously draining my energy. And what could I do about it?

How could I take back all of my power? How can I ensure I’m not wasting energy, especially unconsciously?

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As you head into the New Year, where are you trying to bail yourself out? Spending so much energy trying to prove your worth, get someone to love you, or even just like you? What is it costing you? And are you ready to show up differently?

The last thing my father said to me as I held his hand in hospice the day before he passed was, “You and I are the most alike,” as he pointed his finger back and forth between the two of us. I sobbed as he told me how much he loved me. I felt it. I believed it. I received it.

Here’s what I do know for sure: We see people as we are, not as they are. My dad could finally see me as the loving daughter I’d always been. And I could see him.

How long I’d waited for my dad’s approval and love, never realizing I’d had it all along. He just didn’t know how to show it. And I was too busy believing disempowering stories about who I was and how hard I was to love.

Oh, we mere mortals and the energy we waste. If only we knew the truth: We are love.

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So this New Year’s Eve, why not ask yourself, ‘What would love have me do?” Just imagine how 2022 will look for you!

Happy New Year,

Crystal

P.S. When you change the way you look at people, the people you look at change. When you change the way you see yourself, your reality changes!

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Crystal Andrus Morissette
Founder and CEO The S.W.A.T. Institute and Simply Woman Magazine


The S.W.A.T. Institute is the world’s premier empowerment coaching certification school exclusively for women.

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Crystal Andrus Morissette, Founder Simply Woman Magazine

From life as a homeless teen to coaching A-List celebrities, from having abs of steel and the Miss Galaxy to weighing over 200 pounds after having babies, Emotional Age and Communication Expert Crystal Andrus Morissette is a worldwide leader in the field of self-discovery and personal transformation. A media darling, she has been featured numerous times on Oprah.com, the New York Post, Fox TV, the Daily Mail, CBS Radio, CTV, CityTV, Global TV, Slice TV, the Globe and Mail, and the Toronto Star. Crystal is the founder of the S.W.A.T. Institute (Simply Woman Accredited Trainer), an empowerment coach certification exclusively for women that she created with fellow female visionaries Louise Hay, Marianne Williamson, Colette Baron-Reid, and Sandra Anne Taylor among others. Established in 2009, the S.W.A.T. Institute is now in over 30 countries.

Crystal is the author of five best-selling books, including her latest release entitled, “Simply…Woman: Stories from 30 magnificent women who have risen against the odds!” She is also certified in nutrition, sports medicine, and yoga.

Crystal’s message of resilience, strength, and inner power has allowed her to grace the stage with speakers such as Dr. Phil, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Naomi Judd, Suze Orman, Marianne Williamson, Louise Hay, Dr. Joan Borysenko, Debbie Ford, Sarah Ferguson—Duchess of York, and many more. Crystal has coached women from all walks of life including A-list celebrities, best-selling authors, scientists, doctors, dentists, and lawyers to stay-at-home moms and struggling teens. Her passion is to get down in the trenches and help people become the (s)heroes of their own lives.

www.crystalandrusmorissette.com | www.swatinstitute.com 

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