Home   >   Relationships & Romance   >   the big flop: teaching my child to fail

The Big Flop: Teaching My Child To Fail. Natalie Hughes.

By on January 13, 2014

By Natalie Hughes, Editor-in-Chief.

For a few minutes after this mom/daughter interaction I’m about to detail for you took place, I didn’t even know if I was a Parent of the Year candidate or soon to be interrogated by child protective services, but I’ve settled on somewhere in the middle.

So let me set the scene for you:
My 8 year old daughter has been in her room for a half hour or so, writing a little play to perform for the parents. She comes out to speak with me, perplexed that she has no narrator, and I suggest she could try pre-recording the narration somehow. Ding! She’s back in business and off she skips with an iPad. She makes us up some crafty tickets, and finally the time comes for Daddy and I to be invited into her room for the big production.

So the play is terrible.

(This is the part where you may think I am a big meany and that perhaps I should consider a raft of family counselling.)

The child recreates a scene over and over where she is pretending to be bored, and there is no end in sight. Her dad and I maybe kinda pretend to fall asleep. She is pretty offended, and rightfully so–aren’t parents supposed to love everything their kids do?? Up go the covers over her head, and, despite me trying to lighten up the situation with some humour, I can see there will have to be more than a laugh to fix my baby girl’s wounded spirit.

I immediately know that apologizing is not going to be my out. The fact was, it just wasn’t an entertaining play… and she wants in her heart of hearts to be good at writing and acting.
I want to serve her in the kindest way possible.
I want her to become great and yet not be afraid to suck.
I want her to survive criticism and know how to grow strong and sure.
I want her to have tools that no one knew how to give me or my family for generations.
I want her happiness…and that doesn’t always come in the form of immediate gratification.

I pull her up into a ball onto my lap, the same position she has been snuggling into since the breast feeding days, now so long ago, except now her lengthy legs somehow fold up in there like tent-poles. I kiss her pretty little head.

“So that didn’t go so well, huh?”

“No. You guys hated it.”

“Hmm. We were a little bored.
It feels awful to fail, doesn’t it?”

Nod.

“I have failed like that. I’ve made big mistakes in my songs in front of tons of people.”

“Really?”

“Yessiree. I have done so many things terribly that I don’t know where to start telling them all to you. And they all felt this bad.”

I give her some primo-floppo examples. Cause I’ve got some doozies.
And I tell her what I learned from each one, which were great, life changing, permanently etched lessons.

Then we discuss what went well, like the props and the use of the iPad to narrate, and how well she set up the event.
We talk about what she could do differently, like, um, maybe a plot line.

And guess what?
She skips away, happy as can be.

Well, I’ll be damned. I just accidentally-on-purpose taught her how to fall flat out, reflect, dust herself off and keep going in the direction of her dreams.

Go baby go.

 

Natalie Hughes, editor, writer, performer and songwriter, is a gifted interpreter of the human experience, expressing passion, humor, heartbreak, healing and freedom to a depth that few writers reach. Natalie is also the Musical Director for Crystal Andrus Productions, providing music for short films, international speaking engagements, and powerful meditations. Hear her in music and conversation weekly as the co-host on The Crystal Andrus Show and Empowerment Class. Natalie lives along the picturesque waterways of Peterborough, Canada with her husband – photographer Michael Hurcomb – and her two children. For more, visit nataliehughes.com and find Natalie on iTunes,  Twitter and Facebook.

About simply...woman!

We encourage spreading the message of knowledge and wisdom. We appreciate and thank our featured partners for their articles. All information provided on Simply…Woman online magazine is for reference only; the content is based on the authors’ experiences and therefore is not intended as a substitute to the services of a fully qualified professional. Although every reasonable effort is made to present current and accurate information, Simply…Woman makes no claims, promises or guarantees about the accuracy, completeness or adequacy of the information.