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Surrendering to an outcome...because I'm worth it!

By on February 16, 2022

By Lisa Carberry

I want to share a story that I have never shared publicly before…

I have always been able to see life through the eyes of a child. From the age of 5 I was changing nappies (diapers) of the children of family friends. I received messages that part of being a ‘woman’ was to bear children. I received messages that my mother would be a grandmother one day. However, although I received these messages I never felt a need to meet these expectations.

As it turned out my sexuality would complicate any attempt in my adult life to have a child of my own. Nevertheless at around the age of 37 I made a choice to attempt to bring a new life into the world.

At the time I was in a same sex relationship with a person who was not prepared to be a co-parent. I chose to proceed anyway. I did not fear being a single parent. My mother did it with me and I felt it was doable for me.

For a couple of years I self-inseminated using donor sperm and towards the end went ‘natural’ with the donor a few times in an attempt to conceive. There were occasions when the initial pregnancy test came back ‘positive’ but later the results indicated the pregnancy hadn’t continued. It was a rollercoaster ride.

During my attempts I amassed a collection of baby clothes and supplies, non-gendered. In the end I had collected several boxes, even before I had a successful pregnancy. I was preparing for any eventuality. I was focusing on, and consumed with becoming a mother.

I received some intuitive guidance from a psychic that suggested I would be a mother to a boy in 18 months. My mind focused on that.

18 months later I still hadn’t become pregnant and given birth to a child. Therefore in my mind the psychic reading was BS!

During the intervening time I embarked on a reconnection with my self. This led me to a direct voice channel who informed me that becoming a mother was a choice but irrespective of what transpired I would always be a ‘spiritual’ mother.

While I know I would have made a fabulous parent to a physical child it’s turned out it was not to be in this lifetime. And who I am is not tied up in any physical pregnancy. Not being a mother doesn’t make me any less of a presence in the world.

When I was preparing for an experience of homelessness a little over 5 years ago I had to make the final decision to release the baby supplies I’d accumulated. They went to a couple in need and signified a final release of my attachment to ‘motherhood’. I was at peace with not becoming a mother of a physical child.
It was then that I opened the door to understanding the psychic information regarding a boy.

18 months following the reading and at the age of 18 months a boy did enter my life… in the form of a dog. He has been my love and loyal companion for the last 10 plus years.

I have indeed been privileged to be a ‘spiritual’ mother to people of various ages I have met along my journey. I have also played ‘mother’ to animals in need of a safe and loving home. And my mother always referred to herself as ‘grandma’ to my animal companions.

Why do I choose to share this story?

It is so easy to become attached to a story, to expectations, to beliefs, to ways of defining and identifying in an attempt to find a place in the world, to find the truth and love we seek.

What if the way forward is to let go of any attachment to an outcome? What if the way forward is to open to a form that has not been created in our mind? What if being a mother is not what we have been led to believe? Whether there is a desire to be a physical mother to a human child or not what is the motivation or ‘why’ for that?

I share my story because I now know my ‘why’ or motivation. I share my story because I have surrendered to an outcome. I share my story because a test and an outcome does not define my worth.

 

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Lisa Carberry is an inclusion and diversity expert specializing in lgbtiqa+ visibility and empowerment. She is also a professional intuitive, author, actor, social justice advocate, and public speaker on a variety of topics. For Lisa, her work is an exciting adventure through which she enjoys supporting people on their journey toward a deeper sense of self and witnessing the creative power this releases.

 

Feature Slider Image by Ivan Lonan

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