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Sexual abuse has a ripple effect

By on June 29, 2016
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Written by Jill Holden

Sexual abuse has a ripple effect, it’s not supposed to happen, I don’t believe it’s a part of the blue print either and it goes against all the laws of life, it ripples down and effects everything in front of it. It’s like a tsunami, it comes out of nowhere as you’re enjoying your life and it floods every part of your being, your whole self, your whole life and your whole existence, that’s what it did to me.

Then it sucks out your soul pulling everything that exists out of you like a big powerful vacuum, leaving you wounded, exposed vulnerable in disbelief devastated, in shame and dry to your bones. Unaware of my surroundings I’m in a different place lost and confused, in shock, scared wounded and frightened…it could come back, the flashbacks, the feelings, the person or people who hurt me, the storm could come back. Taking all the things that I love and affecting the very core of my entire being.

I am a story teller, I know this, it’s in my bare bones and I heal through my stories. I have told my daughter 1 story every night for the last 4 years maybe missing one or two. I have learned it’s through our stories we heal.

Once day I looked out at sea, pale exhausted and numb, I saw someone swimming back from it, the tsunami, not only was she swimming back from this powerful storm she was smiling. Now, I knew or thought there is no way she could be 100% her whole self, no way she swam back with her soul in her hands, but she did, and not only did she but she spoke and told her story…

She had wounds but she was not broken and she knew the wounds were real but she did not hide them, she exposed them for what they were, her deepest darkest secrets, and the untold stories.

She did not hide while she shared, well….. she cried and wept but she said it all in a song that healed the very bits and fragments of her soul, raw and exposed, crazy and wild.

She walked me through a doorway, a way back out, soul retrieval, really, could this be?

With the last bits and pieces of my fragmented soul a voice said “listen” as she sang a song of love and in this song the lyrics lead me to her heart, my heart and I could see a reflection of myself in her……oh my god, could this really be?

She’s not dead, I’m not dead.

Out of a broken dry, desolate seed there was a root still attached and this root brought new meaning to life. It brought a flower back to life that had survived in nothing, no water, no sun, how could this be, it didn’t even have water yet but it lived off the energy that existed and exists in her and in a unseen force that lifted her up like a holy prayer from God himself and she was saved…could this my imagination.

It was there she explored the deepest tunnels in the darkest most horrible lonely, alone places. She crawled on her hands and knees through the vomit and puke, the lies and masks and back from deaths door.

This girl was strong, so strong that if another tsunami came it would not take her over and just by the force of nature she now harnessed the energy and intuition she would need to turn this force around and send it back to where it came from.

What a story to share and what a powerful being of great gratitude for she found her start dust, her shine, her soul who she really was before the darkness seeped in.

 

IMG_7336Jill Holden (aka Sky), is an inspiring artist, entrepreneur, and aspiring Master Empowerment Coach based in Whitby, Ontario. Her work, called Artistic Love continues to blossom with the exploration of all the doorways within herself that lead her to embracing her soul touching abilities. Jill’s gift to express her passion to create and heal is all part of her journey as a story teller who instils hope and inspires others to look deeply within their own doors to unlock strength in vulnerability, struggle, and uncertainty.

Jill’s never ending love for drawing and creating started as a child, and she considers herself to be “completely self-taught by the big wide world.” After 20 years in an admin role, Jill graduated with honours as a Community and Social Service Worker, and has studied and practiced Jin Shin Jyutsu (which means “The art of the Creator though the compassionate man”) for fifteen years. This creative process helped to unravel her passion for art, her inner voice, and the importance of a listening heart.

Jill continues to expand her original art -to greeting cards, prints, motivational T-shirts and clothing. Currently studying to become a Master Empowerment Coach though the S.W.A.T institute, and learning and growing with her loving, creatively spirited, kind, passionate and beautiful daughter who teaches her to be a better person every day.

~The journey starts with you!
Jill Holden, Artist and business owner of Artistic Love

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