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Natalie’s Back to School Guide to Kids, Malls and Sanity

By on August 26, 2013
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I’ll bet you just can’t wait to get your brood out to the car, drive to the packed parking lot, and descend on the bustling mall for some back-to school shopping antics.

I’ve spent many employment years working in a retail setting and I’ve seen it all… from frustrated parents and crying children to happy, satisfied kids and calm, smiling moms and dads. Why are some parents more able to head out into the malls with level heads while some are at their wit’s end? I write this now to give you hope if you’re of the latter camp. It can be different. You don’t just have to barely survive your back to school shopping trip with your kids this week. You can make it a memory, a joy and a yearly ritual that they will cherish. Yes, I’m sure. (I heard that “Yeah, right.”)

So what is the first, most important choice you can make before you leave the house?

Choose just one child at a time to accompany you. I’m with you… our time is limited as parents and we have such a tight schedule.. it’s difficult to carve out separate blocks for each child, and take up valuable “important grown-up task” time! The reality is, most kids who are born into families as “only” children get this one-on-one time on a regular basis, but often kids from multiple-child families feel a little like just one member of a herd. Taking them all at once leads to these, rather unpleasant scenes:

 

Mom: “Where did your brother go?! Go find your brother. I need him to try this shirt.”

Daughter: “But mom, he got one more shirt than I did!”

Mom: “What do you want from me? I’m busy with your sister.”

Little one: “I gotta peeee!”

Mom: “Forget this, everyone get to the car. Mom is DONE.”

 

And now, the alternate. You’ve carved out 3 hours and made a date with your son. You plan time for lunch, dinner or even just a special treat. You keep your phone in your purse and ignore texts for a few hours. You have some fun chat time that’s all about you and him and then you head to the mall and stay focused on his happiness while you shop together. You get everything you need in a few hours and you’ve had a happy, relaxed time with him. He feels like he’s special, he’s important and he’s his own person. And he is loved. Trust me, you want to set those three hours aside to connect. Soon he’ll be off to college and he’ll need those strong roots of love when he’s foraging new relationships and walking in unseen territory.

 

So we’ve talked about time, now what about the money?

First, this scenario, the one we’ve all done but we’re, uh, not loving the outcome so much:

 

Mom: “That one’s too expensive. Put it back.”

Son: “But this one is way better. Mo-O-o-O-m.”

Mom: “You don’t need that. I’m not made of money!”

 

Or, just as bad, you truly need to stick to a budget, but you can’t say no to your kids so you let them get what they like and put what you can’t afford in the buggy anyway.

But aren’t they learning the wrong kind of lessons here? It’s either: You can’t get anything you want in this life, or Take what you want and deal with the fallout later. Neither one is ideal.

So, I’ve got thoughts on this, and a bit of experience to back it up.

Last year when we went on our long-saved-for trip to Disney World, I anticipated beforehand how many things the kids would see that they would want to buy, and how often I’d likely be saying no. I didn’t want to spend the week telling them to put everything back — I wanted it to be magic! So I made the decision to give them their own buying power and decision making ability (They were 6 and 12 at the time.) Ding! Idea! I made them coupons, typed into Word and printed, for each thing they would likely want to have, with a price limit on each. For example, “This coupon is good for one souvenir clothing item of your choice, maximum value $30.” I gave them a bit of discretionary “money” in coupons as well, and they just handed in their coupon to me or my husband when they finally found what they loved. We had ZERO arguments, we stayed perfectly in budget (except for my husband-ha!) and it truly was magic. This is the perfect solution for shopping with any age — even in the wee years, the coupons can  have pictures of a basic tee outline or a pant, no Picasso reproduction required.

If you’ve got teens, let’s face it — they’d probably prefer just cash, and they can handle it well if you’ve taught them how to make choices. Make a quick list with them upon surveying their current wardrobe together on what they need, and give them a reasonable sum to buy it with. What if they don’t handle it well and blow it all on one pair of crazy-expensive brand name shoes? Would it be the end of the world? As Barbara Coloroso, one of my parenting expert heroes says, “If it’s not dangerous or morally wrong, let them do it.” Maybe they love those darn shoes enough to wear last year’s jeans. Sorry, mom… it ain’t about you. We can’t express ourselves through our kids or live through them. It’s their journey, even at that age. We are just guides. Let them make mistakes, big and small, while you are here to talk about them.

At the heart of the matter, every day with your precious ones is a chance to connect. Every experience is an opportunity for learning… a teachable moment.

Even shopping.

 

nataliebreeze1Natalie Hughes, editor, writer, performer and songwriter, is a gifted interpreter of the human experience, expressing passion, humor, heartbreak, healing and freedom to a depth that few writers reach. Natalie is also the Musical Director for Crystal Andrus Productions, providing music for short films, international speaking engagements, and powerful meditations. Hear her in music and conversation weekly as the co-host on The Crystal Andrus Show. Natalie lives along the picturesque waterways of Peterborough, Canada with her husband – photographer Michael Hurcomb – and her two children. For more, visit nataliehughes.com and find Natalie on iTunes,  Twitter and Facebook.

 

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