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Motherhood, Mother Energy, Liberty and Libido

By on April 1, 2023
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By Amanda Racanovic

Unequivocally and inextricably tied to the female experience and at the focal point of our narrative is the experience of motherhood. Whilst it does not define us, create us, or ultimately satisfy us, it certainly does shape and change us and has been our primary role since the beginning of humanity. It is no wonder then, that mother energy has been part and parcel of the motherhood journey, when women’s rights and certainly women’s empowerment have had no look in.

Motherhood versus mother energy

Crystal Andrus Morissette terms ‘mother energy’ as “the selfless part that gives, protects, and serves … [it] drives us to sacrifice our own needs for the needs of others,” (Morissette, 2015, p. 22). It exists. It’s real. And for generations mother energy was simply understood as motherhood. It’s the unspoken creed. It’s the universal sacrifice that has been undertaken selflessly for the sake of legacy with no claim for recompense other than our children’s love. It’s the fact that we as mothers are, or at least try to be, the dependable ones, the lifeline for our children, the role models, the arc onto which they clamber for safe harboring. It’s about responsibility, and it’s about love above all.

However, it is NOT the same as motherhood.

Motherhood is the experience and act of mothering, from conception and pregnancy through till the end of a woman’s life, even in outliving her children. It is a woman’s ability to embody the spirit and qualities of the mother, her maternal state, and often reflects the demands on her in that mothering IS a job and it does involve self-sacrifice. But it is not solely about self-sacrifice. That’s where mother energy, as a draining expenditure of energy, and motherhood, as a role that requires devotion and nurturing sentiment, differ.

You can be in the throes of motherhood and still commit yourself to self-love. You can have young demanding children and still make self-care a priority and know how to say ‘no’ (I’m not so good at this one myself). But it is a responsibility that you have to take for yourself, and that’s why empowerment is a conscious awareness of your limits and how to better yourself every day.

How motherhood can trap you

So when I’d first read “In the Park,” – it’s possible I was in year twelve – the thought of being a parent was the farthest thing from my mind. Certainly Harwood’s lament that “they have eaten me alive” was incomprehensible when I was in the throes of adolescence and child rearing was something my parents had to deal with – not me. But after having my own children, I remembered it, like a flash of a memory from a past life.

“It’s so sweet
to hear their chatter, watch them grow and thrive, ”
she says to his departing smile. Then, nursing
the youngest child, sits staring at her feet.
To the wind she says, “They have eaten me alive.”

I remembered the image of the mother in the park watching her children. I remembered her trite truism that they grow so quickly etc etc, cause that became me. The feeling of mother energy became me, because it was the unspoken creed that a mother’s needs should always be last, that our truth or dreams or ambitions can wait, or whatever, and that we don’t need to consider our needs when their needs are so foundational.

But that’s mother energy – not motherhood.

You can easily become Harwood’s sad figure, especially without a social support network. It is easy to feel trapped if you con yourself into the narrative that self-sacrifice is part of the journey.

And to a large extent, I firmly believe these things: that children NEED not only security, safety, protection, and love. But for them to feel true connection, they need physical touch, they need communication, they need a deeper spiritual trust and bond that comes not just from mother energy, but from woman energy: from our innate knowledge that we are on our journey as determined by ourselves and we know the path we walk and choose to walk alongside theirs with our hand guiding them.

That’s why I believe that it is important to show your children that you make your self-care a priority by moving your body, eating wholesome and nourishing foods, by valuing your mind, body, spirit. And by making time for yourself when and if you can along the way.

Liberty and libido

This is the part that I love: how can we find freedom in motherhood? How can we find liberty from within the role of mother?

For a start, children notice everything. They feed off our energy and they can mirror your emotional state of being, reflecting your frustrations and hostilities back at you with horrible vengeance. But that’s when we should notice that we’re not right. And that’s when we should take the time to make our self-care a priority.

Eating organically, exercising frequently, taking quiet time out to meditate or have a bath, having sex and working on acts of self-pleasure (think a cup of tea, a facial, a quiet work) are simple effective methods to clear the mother energy stuff. Our bodies know what we feed it and it holds tension and stress in various joints and places like the lower back and shoulders. That’s why movement is so crucial in freeing our selves.

And sex. Especially sex. And this is why.

When you have small children, they are physically on you, and it wasn’t so long ago they were in you. Having sex and self-pleasuring are actions to take your body back for yourself. It’s freeing, and it’s healthy in maintaining a healthy relationship, with yourself AND your partner.

So many sexologists will tell you that sex enhances creativity and boosts dopamine, the happy drug manufactured in our bodies. It is so vital to our own empowerment because it allows us to connect with our minds, bodies, our intuition, and to foster a deeper spiritual connection with ourselves and our partners. It likewise grounds us to our sacral chakra, which is located about three inches below our navels. It is this chakra that allows us to feel the world around us, so it is very much associated with feeling and freeing***. These are definitely spiritual emotions. Remember that a deeper spiritual connection are things that our children need, too, although they source this through our presence and attention.

If we are able to take time to claim our own needs, then it is easier for us to give our children a deeper spiritual connection through acts of patience, communication, attention, guidance, and love. You cannot give out if you do not first receive. That’s how it works – you can’t pour from an empty cup!

Liberty is possible in motherhood, absolutely. Although there are times when you feel as though you are trapped, it IS possible to undo these emotions. But it’s up to each woman to make the time to make her own self-care a priority.

** Crystal Andrus Morissette, The Emotional Edge, 2015.
*** Anodea Judith, Wheels of Life, 1987.

 

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amandaAmanda Racanovic lives in Melbourne, Australia, with her two daughters and husband. She works with women and mothers of young children and is passionate about self-care and women’s wellbeing in nurturing and raising children mindfully.

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