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Live and let live—so long as you’re living along my way or the highway of letting live

By on January 20, 2017
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By Jen Taylor

There are thousands of human characteristics. However, psychologists believe that a select few essential traits make each of us who we are. It’s a theory called the Big Five Personality Traits which include: Openness, Conscientiousness, Extroversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism.

I learned about the Five-Factor Model a few years back…

Come to think of it; it could have been last year that I discovered this theory. I can’t be sure.

Whenever I say “a few years ago”, it might mean last year, three months ago, a few weeks back…who knows anymore? Time eludes me! Not to mention, I can never seem to remember dates either! I can’t even seem to guestimate properly.

I guess that’s just one of the many charming quirks of my personality: Will she remember her anniversary this year? Maybe she will. Maybe she won’t. It’s a real nail-biter.

The truth is it’s one of the aspects of myself that I’m learning to make peace with. I’m not always as conscientious as I’d like to be, but at the end of the day I’m conscientious enough, and those little quirks are all part of what makes me, me.

Finding a level of acceptance for my flighty mind doesn’t mean I’ve thrown my hands in the air and I now walk around in a fog of reckless disregard because “Oh well, I am who I am, deal with it”.

I still actively work at strengthening my memory and attention, but with just as much vigor, I also work at not beating myself up about it anymore.

But that doesn’t mean others share my sentiments.

My relationship with time certainly pisses a lot of people off; particularly those whose dominant personality trait includes ‘conscientiousness’.

You know, those who have an astute grasp and awareness for the time, and an innate knack for remembering everything!

People with great memories are mind-blowing and amazing to me. I bow in honor knowing I will never be as attentive as they are, and that’s okay by me most of the time. I know that conscientiousness is just not one of my top traits.

Instead, I’d discovered that Openness and Agreeableness are more up my alley!

It’s not to say that I don’t have own strong opinions. It just means that I have the capacity to decipher how and why other modalities and personalities exist.

People, truths, facts, and the ‘world at large’ present themselves to be multidimensional and subjective, and thankfully, I’m able to see and understand that “I may not like what I see, but I get it”.

And in my mind, being an abstract thinker—having the ability to understand and accept differences with more ease than others may—is a personality trait that I think is very attractive!

In fact, I prided myself in that I don’t require the world to be ‘well categorized’ for me to live in it. I’m open to variety. I thrive on it; whereas ‘variety’ for my conscientious friends can be very anxiety-provoking.

“Go with the flow” can be four of the worst words you can say to an organized person!

But here is where things have gotten very interesting for me!

I recently was gobsmacked when I realized that as ‘flexible and allowing’ as I’d always believed I was, I’m not!

Who knew??? 

It was only recently (…a few years ago, last year, three months ago, a few weeks back) that I figured out… (and it’s ironic, at best…) that as ‘open and agreeable’ as I’d figured myself to be, I was finding myself in more and more situations where I was shutting down.

“I’m closed-minded about other people’s closed-mindedness…” says the woman with supposed dominant traits of openness and agreeableness.

The truth is, it makes me crazy when people act like their brain is going to fall out of their skull if they open up their mind to my way of thinking . . . or to a way of thinking that is different than theirs.

My knee-jerk reaction is to judge judgmental people.

It’s true: I’ve gossiped about other people for their incessant gossiping about other people.

I’ve rigidly believed that rigid thinking is wrong.

I’ve found anything less than acceptance of differences, absolutely unacceptable in people who seem to have a different opinion on acceptance.

I’ve become prideful, arrogant and condescending while getting ready to ‘school’ a person for acting prideful, arrogant and condescending.

I’m unequivocally intolerant of intolerance, and I have to constantly ward off the urge to demean and belittle any human that demeans and belittles any human.

I live and let live—until I don’t—then I demand and impose that it’s my way or the highway.

What an incredibly liberating realization: I am so much like those whom I judge!

According to my dominant traits, I’m a walking, talking, juxtaposition.

I’m open and agreeable—until I’m not—then I’m closed and disagreeable.

I may not remember all the things, but I sure as hell am all the things.

And so if ever anyone was to ask me now: “Hey, what are your personality traits?” I’d have no choice but to say, “All of them” …because anything other than that would be utter malarkey, and I’d know it.

I find such freedom in this thought: I am all things.

How much inner-spaciousness I felt when I was finally able to give myself permission to be the closed-minded, disagreeable, argumentative, judgmental, rigid, arrogant, condescending, prideful, pushy, demanding psycho-freak that I can be.

My whole body breathed a deep breath and relaxed just from writing that out—the sweet relief of release.

The Big Five Personality Traits theory has a fine print that reads: ‘exceptions very much do apply because at the end of the day, no matter what’s dominant in us—no matter the ways in which we overcompensate, deny, stuff-down, stifle, distract, deflect, or numb—we as humans really are all things…even the very traits that make us cringe and the behaviors we’d wag our finger at.’

 

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PictureJen Taylor is many things, but her CliffsNotes read: human with a broad mind, spontaneous heart, and an ancient spirit who only lets people in possession of coffee pull her around by the nostrils.

Writer | Story Teller | Coach (In-Training) | Rule Bender | Lover of all things living (But not snakes) | Classic Lit Junkie | (Loud) Speaker | Limit Pusher | Kick-ass Conqueror of the hard & scary shit (Except snakes) |

www.jentaylor.ca

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