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Just another bully…

By on November 24, 2016
bully

Written by Liz Hoffman

For several months I’ve been angry, I’ve pondered, I’ve prayed, and I’ve forgiven over this election.  The wounds that were opened, bandages that were ripped off, the audacity of people’s actions, hurtful words, hatred, division.  I’m just a small person in this get big world, trying to live a simple, joyous life.  How can a Presidential election bring so much hatred to so many people, but how, for the first time in my life, can a Presidential Candidate, and now President elect, bring so much emotion out of me?

Because I know, because I used to be married to him.  Not him directly of course, but to someone just like him.

Someone who used to verbally abuse me and our children, someone who used to view woman as objects of their own sexual pleasure, someone who was a bully, someone who spouted off whatever was on his mind, someone who was hot tempered and based decisions on emotions.  After 20 years I divorced him, yet I cannot divorce this President elect.  I found myself weeping when Hillary became a target because of her husband’s past indiscretions.  “She stood by him!”  “She said horrible things about his mistresses!” “She can’t lead a country when she can’t keep her marriage strong!”  To say I took this personal is an understatement, because for years, I lived that life, I stood by him, I did say horrible things about the abundance of mistresses that were invited into my life, they were NOT victims, they chose to have an affair with my husband who was married and a father.  The last one ended my marriage.  I have a very successful career, and I thank God regularly that MY husband’s indiscretions weren’t used to determine if I am fit for my career or not.

Yes, he reminds me of my ex, yet I’ve also worked for, been neighbors next to, been related to men like this.  I find myself cowering in the same sense, a large, powerful man, standing over me, yelling, telling me I’m wrong, telling me I don’t have a say, belittling me, devaluing me, with no way out but backed against a corner.  “I need my job, I cannot quit” “I can’t move, I lived here first” “Does he have to be invited over again?”  Somehow I’ve survived, somehow I’ve stayed positive, somehow people like me, like to be around me, like my positive outlooks, but then, I realize, what has happened?

Now, it’s like a light bulb has gone off…it’s simple.  I have given birth to two beautiful, strong willed, opinionated daughters.  One is a young adult, one is a teenager.  I have a beautiful stepdaughter and granddaughter who is a teenager from my first marriage, and three amazing stepsons, who are young adults and who have learned from their father, my new husband, how to value a woman, how to respect a woman, how to love a woman, and will more than likely marry strong women and God willing will raise daughters to be heard or sons to be respectful.  Anyone who knows me will quote me saying “always maintain your integrity” especially dealing with life crisis.  During my long, horrible divorce, I knew I was looking into the eyes of two beautiful girls that were watching every move I make, watching for every slip up, looking for something to humanize me.  I made my share of mistakes, I let my guard down, I questioned my faith, yet I loved their father for being their father when he was far from loveable.  But did I maintain my integrity, or did I silence myself to avoid yet another battle?  Did I accept things that were wrong to avoid conflict?

Now, in a couple months, we will have a new President.  I know him, he’s all too familiar to me.  I didn’t vote for him, but I now have to accept him, and the Bible commands me to pray for him.  Do I silence myself, or do I tell my daughters, my stepdaughter, my granddaughter, the girlfriends of my stepsons, that this is just another abusive, bigoted, female hating man, leading our country and being a role model, or do I allow them to form their own opinions.   Do I do as I’ve done before, and silently turn to prayer, knowing that God has this, and to leave it all to Him?  Or, is it time to take a stand, maintain my integrity, and say “enough is enough”.  I will no longer allow a bully in my life, a verbally abusive person, being male or female.  I will, as a mother, attempt to prepare these kids for their lives, take a stand and make sure I have done everything in my power to give them the knowledge, confidence, strength, and courage to say, as well as the ability to ask God for the guidance to walk them through tough times.  I don’t have all the answers, I am just a small person in this great big world, but I can change my world, and remain a positive force while mentoring others.

 

unknownMy name is Liz Hofmann, and I was raised in a sleepy, wholesome town in Western Colorado. After graduating from college, I moved to Kauai, Hawaii, which has been home for 27 years and where I have raised two beautiful daughters. After 18 years of marriage, I made the painful decision to end the relationship. During the long, drawn out process of the divorce, I discovered how many people actually do as I did and isolate themselves, especially when infidelity was involved. I also quickly realized how easy it was for female friends to want to want to lead me down a path of misery. It was then I decided to be a positive role model for women, install the value of “maintain your integrity”, choice which fabulous friends you would keep by your side, and help as many women in despair as I could. The journey led me to tremendous healing on my own, strength to be a single mother to two teenage daughters, joy like I hadn’t known for years. I am now enjoying my two daughters, stepdaughter and granddaughter, my new, amazing, loyal husband and three new adult stepsons.

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