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I Was a Lousy Wife (a confession)

By on November 12, 2015

Written by Arielle Ford

Today I am in my 17th year of an amazing, deeply loving, fulfilling marriage to my soulmate Brian… and I almost blew it!

Soon after we got married, I made a horrifying discovery: I had no clue how to be a great wife. I was an excellent manifestor, and I was great at being “the boss” of my business, but I had zero partnership skills.

Here’s just one example: One day, several months after we got married, I walked into the house all excited and started talking a mile-a- minute to Brian…no hello, no kiss, just this:

“Hey babe, guess what? We’re having dinner tonight at Deepak and Rita Chopra’s house, we need to be there by 7pm, I haven’t a clue what I’m gonna wear but I have to jump into the tub right now.”

I fully expected Brian to say something like, “Hey that’s great, should be lots of fun to catch up with them.”

Instead I got this strange look from him, that I immediately felt in the pit of my stomach, so I said, “what’s wrong?”

And Brian said, “You didn’t ask me.”

“What do you mean? Don’t you want to have dinner with the Chopra’s?”

“Well, it would have been nice if you had asked me first.”

“Why? I knew you would want to go.”

“Because asking me is the polite and considerate thing to do.”

I was really baffled. If I “knew he would want to go, then WHY, WHY, WHY did I have to ask him first?”

As a first time bride at 44, I was used to having everything my way, all the time. It never occurred to me that Brian would want anything different from what I wanted. It never occurred to me that we wouldn’t always see things “eye to eye” because we were soulmates.

Weren’t we destined to easily and effortlessly live “happily ever after?”

It became obvious that I needed to discover new, better ways to listen, to communicate, to be considerate, and most importantly to become a team player.

I didn’t know what I didn’t know about making a relationship thrive and grow into a joyous and sacred union.

Brian was a natural at most of these things, and most of the time, he was very patient with me when communicating about what was and was not working for him. (And, honestly it took me a L O N G time learn how to be considerate and ask him before committing him to any and all activities.)

If only he had arrived with an “Owner’s Manual” that outlined the one-two-three steps to happy and fulfilling marriage.

Alas, that book never arrived.

Instead, I decided to become a student of love.

In my heart and soul I knew that Brian and I were meant to spend our life together and I also knew that I had to take personal responsibility for my role in the partnership. We went to workshops together, I read lots of books, and best of all, I spent more than 130 hours interviewing the world’s top love and relationship experts for Evolving Wisdom’s Art of Love Series that I co-created and hosted for several years – many of them top researchers and social scientists who virtually never do interviews such as these… and I’m blessed that many of them became friends, and spent hours answering my endless questions and forever changing my understanding of love and how to make it last.

The result of these years of study (and personally road testing the various techniques and strategies to a happy marriage), are that Brian and I just grow closer and closer, and I’ve got him convinced that I’m the most loving and attentive wife ever!

I was so thrilled at the changes in my own relationship (and the peace of mind and security they brought me as well), that I am now sharing the best of the best of my own “light bulb moments” and most effective tools for transformation in my new book:

Turn Your Mate Into Your Soulmate: A Practical Guide To Happily Ever After
(It will be published on my birthday, December 29th, by HarperOne.)

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,
Arielle

 

arieArielle Ford has spent the past 25 years living and promoting consciousness through all forms of media. She is the author of the international bestseller THE SOULMATE SECRET: Manifest the Love of Your Life With The Law of Attraction.

The Soulmate Secret has led thousands of men and women, around the world, to attract their ideal life parter. Arielle lives in La Jolla, CA with her husband, Brian Hilliard. Please find her at www.facebook.com/soulmatesecret  and www.soulmatesecret.com 

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