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I had an AWAKENING!

By on January 27, 2017
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By Bonnie Lea Townsend

I learned I had an addiction to the drama of being sad. I thought about things negatively, as if there’s always something missing. I didn’t know what the pay-off was, except that it’s possible that as the first-born child when I cried, I received a reward of pity from relatives until it stopped as my siblings were born. My neediness continued well into adulthood: I kept trying to get attention, and the more I tried, it manifested into believing I didn’t have enough, or any. There was struggles with finances, emotional well-being, spirituality, and with friends.

I must have felt that in order to receive attention all I talked about was my sadness, how I was used, abused, and ignored, how things were taken away from me; I would recount emotional and psychological abuse just to get attention so that I would have proof that I am loved.

‘Waking up’, so to speak, I realized that this caused me to be too intense in my relationships; it came from manipulation, I’m afraid to admit. I really didn’t know I was like this until I could see myself differently.

I recently took the 12-Week Emotional Edge TeleCourse with Crystal Andrus Morissette based on her book, The Emotional Edge. I just happened to read this sentence while thinking of all this:

 Manipulation or passive-aggressive ploys will never empower you or bring you a soul-mate love affair.” p. 255

My insights were not always clear to me, but I remember one night, I had a dream that I was at my workplace and people were walking around, as they do, to get to where they were going. However, I had trouble getting my legs to move, as if wading through mud. I didn’t like that dream.

The dream was a reminder that I felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere. While thinking about how other people can write books, make videos, put on workshops, do what they know for sure, I wondered: What do I know for sure? 

I will no longer have that addiction to the drama of being sad.

I make an effort to have a spiritual mindset, and the night before writing this, I had a metaphysical positive dream that had to do with Thanksgiving and family. Through that dream, I learned that to gain a higher-than-ever spiritual mindset comes from knowing and removing emotional barriers. Otherwise, the weight of those issues will bear you down.

I’m happy now! Once I realized this: I’m not wading in mud anymore. I can dance – like Snoopy!
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me at my 50th birthday - CopyBorn in Connecticut, USA, as a young child, one day announced to her family that when she grew up, she either wanted to be a nurse or teacher. Bonnie has three grown children, a B.S. in Social Science, M.A. Human Services. Currently a Master Empowerment Coach-in-training of The S.W.A.T. Institute.

 

 

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