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How weight loss affects your relationships, Crystal Andrus

By on September 10, 2013
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By Crystal Andrus

How the people around you respond to your desire to lose weight and take back control of your life is very crucial to your success. So look at the people you spend the most amount of time with: Have they helped you in the past to accomplish your goals? Do they achieve their own aims? Are they positive, or do they complain about their lives? Are they possessive or jealous of your time? Will they support you? Such individuals will have a greater influence on your accomplishments than just about any other external factor, so, ideally, they should be goal-oriented, success-driven, spiritually enlightened individuals who inspire you and make you want to be a better person.

Countless clients have told me that once they began to lose weight and look good, their friends or family started to make negative comments or pull away. If you find that every time you start to follow a diet your husband brings home chocolate, you need to ask yourself why. Better yet, you need to ask him why! Sadly, we live in a world where many people are uncomfortable with success and determination, especially if it’s a physical or financial improvement, because it subconsciously forces them to look at themselves.

It’s very difficult not to care what people think.

If those around you continually try to knock you down, you just may fall. You probably won’t notice any of these changes with family or friends right away, if you do at all, but once you start to really look and feel great, they may start treating you differently. They may tell you that you’ve changed—and guess what? You have! You’ve taken control of your life and body.

After I lost all my weight, my marriage initially flourished because I was so much happier with myself. But after a period of time, I began to feel frustrated with life again. Feeling held back, I continued to avoid advances in my career for fear that my marriage couldn’t survive it. I felt afraid to tell my husband what I really wanted, and I didn’t know how to ask for it. His lack of support frustrated me because I was still looking to him to validate my self-worth.

Before long, I started to sabotage my marriage. In my own personal journey I learned that until I faced my fears and discovered my own truths, I’d continue to sabotage different aspects of my life.

If you start sensing that the people you love are becoming different or distant with you, try to remember that it’s really just what they’re feeling about themselves, not you. Their emotions aren’t always based on reality but rather their perception of it. Don’t own their issues or allow yourself to be pressured.

Let’s say that your mate begins to act jealously and starts saying things such as: “You’re always at the gym,” “You never make time for me anymore,” or “Why do you want to look better?” What he really means is: “I’m afraid,” “I feel insecure,” “You aren’t paying as much attention to me now,” “Am I losing you?” “Once you start looking really good, will you still want me?” or “Don’t leave me.”

You can reassure him, but in the end he’s responsible for his own fears, as well as his own successes. Sometimes, however, fear is grounded in fact, so you need to honestly assess whether you have become neglectful or selfish, disrespectful, or inconsiderate.

On the other hand, should you start to experience unreasonable demands from those around you, you have some choices to make, as this relates to setting your own boundaries. Are you going to quit if your mate doesn’t like your new eating plan? Will you give up when your friends think you aren’t as much fun now? You need to explain to them that it doesn’t matter if you’ve tried a million diets but never stuck to them before—if they love you, they must support you this time. Tell them you need every bit of encouragement along the way—you don’t need to be criticized. There will be times when you feel like giving up, and you’ll need to hear them say, “Keep going, I believe in you!”

I’m not suggesting that you toss your loved ones’ needs out the window in search of self, but:

By letting them all know that you’ll be a better wife, mother, daughter, and friend once you begin to take better care of yourself, everyone should feel safe.

If they don’t, this could become one of your biggest obstacles. Deal with it now.

Many of us believe that we’re selfish or thoughtless if we take care of our own needs—yet I’ve seen so many women become so fed up and resentful because they haven’t taken care of themselves that they leave their marriages in order to start making themselves happy. I guarantee that if you take the focus off of your relationship, your mate, your friends, your kids, or your boss and put it on your dreams and needs, you’ll become a happier woman—which will result in a happier life. You’re not going to lose all your friends, although you may become more selective about whom you choose to spend time with.

Too often, we hold on to old relationships with people we know aren’t good for us. They may be fun, or they’ve simply been around for so long that it seems cruel to disassociate ourselves from them. But the fact remains that folks we surround ourselves with have the biggest external influence on our futures than any other factor. As Oprah has said, “No one can take your power from you— only you can give it away.” Don’t give insecure or negative people power over your life. You own your life, so let them own theirs.

Make a list of the five people closest to you:

Are they successful, kind, and loving?

Do they truly look out for your best interests?

Are they content and happy in their own lives?

And do they have a positive influence on you?

Start to eliminate the negative energy drainers in your life, and surround yourself with supportive influences. The saying “birds of a feather flock together” isn’t far from the truth . . . who are you flocking with?

Warmly,

Crystal

(Adapted from my first book, Simply…Woman! The 12 Week Total Transformation Program.)

10968_203426938121_5409793_nCrystal Andrus is a leader in the field of self-discovery and personal transformation. From a very tough beginning—one that could easily have spun her into darkness, Crystal has risen to become an international coaching sensation and the Founder of The S.W.A.T. Institute (Simply Woman Accredited Trainer)- the world’s #1 on-line Personal Empowerment Coaching Certification School for women. She’s three-time best-selling Hay House author, the host of “The Crystal Andrus Show” and “Empowerment Class” on CBS Radio, a widely-sought after motivational speaker and a world-renowned women’s advocate. www.crystalandrus.com

 

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