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How to Overcome the Feeling of Defeat

By on May 7, 2023
Pressure of life and feeling defeated

By Louisa Valentin

Life is not all rainbows and sunshine. We have these moments where it feels like everything is coming down on us all at once. The pressure of life is just too much to handle. Like a tire, you apply too much pressure, it explodes, the same happens to us emotionally. Everyone experiences these difficult moments at some point in their lives. If you are going through this, you are not alone.

There are many situations that can lead a person to feel defeated. There is no cause too big or too small. For a lot of people, it happens when we are just overwhelmed by many things that appear to be piling up and we can’t get a handle on them. Too many chores to get done, arguing with someone you care about, another task added to your workload, too much traffic, just overwhelmed with everyday life. For others, it can be one “big” event in their life that sends them spiraling. It may be triggered by a bad breakup with the person you expected to live your life with. The loss of a job can cause a person to spiral into feelings of defeat. The death of a loved one often leaves us feeling as if we cannot go on without them.

I myself have experienced each and every one of these situations and it was HARD to combat the feeling of defeat. My “world was ending” with each situation, but guess what?! It didn’t end. I survived and at some point, the bad days started dwindling down while the good ones were coming more frequently. I started to notice patterns in my behavior that allowed me to work through these hopeless moments just a bit faster. That is when I became intentional with how I dealt with feeling defeated. This intentional way of addressing my feelings has led me on a journey to overcoming the feeling of defeat at a much quicker and mentally healthier pace, than in the past.

Join me on a journey to overcoming defeat…..

Once we realize feeling defeated at times is “normal” and not a reason to beat ourselves up about it, we can start to address the issues from a different perspective. Give yourself permission to feel your feelings as they are. Acknowledge that you feel defeated and WHY you feel this way. In a world that includes toxic positivity, it is easy to forget it’s okay to not be okay. For clarity, according to the psychology group, “Toxic Positivity is the excessive and ineffective overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state across all situations. The process of toxic positivity results in the denial, minimalization, and invalidation of the authentic human emotional experience.” Some of the worst things to hear when you are in this defeated state of mind are “cheer up” and “think on the bright side” or “just think positive”. Just like telling someone to “calm down” not only does not work but usually makes a person angrier when they are already upset. The same is true for these statements when you’re feeling defeated. You just feel worse because we cannot snap our fingers and change how we feel. So don’t allow others to make you feel guilty for feeling your feelings and more importantly, don’t make yourself feel guilty for having them.

After allowing yourself to feel your feelings without the guilt for having them, you can move forward in this journey. Be gentle with yourself. The same way you would talk to a good friend or a child is how you should talk to yourself, especially during these difficult times. Take a moment to put yourself in the third-person perspective. How would you address the situation if it was not your situation? Most times we are not as hard on others as we are on ourselves. We need that kindness and support from ourselves just as much as we give it to others, sometimes more. This is where you give yourself grace. This is not about wallowing in the feeling of defeat, but instead being patient while working through the emotion and addressing the root of the issue.

Now you have given yourself permission to feel and are being kind to yourself, you are ready to push forward another step. Don’t be afraid to speak up. Use the “phone a friend” option here. Keeping these feelings to yourself can make you feel more alone, more isolated, and more defeated. It is also really nice to have a sounding board for what you’re struggling with. Speaking to others, when you’re ready, can give you a different perspective on the situation at hand. We are often our harshest critics and when talking things out, you may realize that the situation is not quite as hopeless as you originally thought.

After getting this heavy feeling off your shoulders with a fresh perspective, the light at the end of the tunnel is shining brighter and brighter. Your frame of thinking has shifted, and you are ready to get back into the game of life with defeat starting to move behind you. Set small goals that start moving you forward. Once you find you’re able to shift your mindset it gets easy to get swept away in the moment and want to make big transformations right then and there. Remember, small changes can also have big results. Take a moment to assess the big picture of what needs to get done, then start breaking that into smaller goals. Next, prioritize what needs to get done first and take it one step at a time. Creating goals that you cannot fail at gives you the opportunity to start seeing success in your life again, which you can continue to build on.

The Journey to overcoming the feeling of defeat is not an easy one, it isn’t always pretty, but it is achievable. It is powerful to give yourself permission to validate what you’re feeling in the present moment. Showing yourself kindness gives you the space to assess your feelings instead of getting stuck in them. Reaching out to people in your circle allows you to see you are safe and don’t have to take on the world alone. Once you are ready, you can truly move past the feeling of defeat to a place of hope and inspiration.

If you’d like to get to know me, book a free transformation call today and begin your journey to an extraordinary life https://louisavalentin.coach/. Feel free to become part of my amazing community on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/LouisaValentinLLC?mibextid=LQQJ4d

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Overcome the Feeling of DefeatLouisa Valentin is an Empowerment Wellness Coach, who empowers professional women to find their strength to achieve their optimal state of mental, physical, and spiritual health. As a nurse of almost 20 years, it is no surprise that Louisa is passionate about helping others. She helps women prioritise themselves, creating real lifestyle changes to have lasting transformations and change the world’s perception of who they are. For more information visit https://www.louisavalentin.coach/

 

 

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