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How to come out of a midlife crisis with a new sense of purpose

By on December 20, 2021

By Nicole Wittauer

It may not feel like it right now, but a crisis is actually a good thing!

It took me many years to realise that.

Each time I was faced with existential questions, I just felt lost and disempowered. I hated not having a sense of direction and questioning everything I was doing.

For a while I would be in turmoil, beating myself up for not knowing what I truly wanted, then I would lower my expectations, and finally I would fall back into compliance when my energy and patience to self-reflect had run out. The heart would surrender to the brain, who was always good at reasoning, telling me that my situation was really not that bad, all things considered.

All I was doing, of course, was taking a break while my heart was building momentum to rebel again. And so, the cycle would start again.

But as long as we don’t truly deal with the issue, it will come back, again and again, shouting stronger each time around.

How is that a good thing?

Consider the crisis as a message from our subconscious mind, telling us that we are not living in alignment, and that we still have so much more to give and experience if we allow ourselves to reconnect with purpose. It’s trying to give us the opportunity to live a more fulfilling life. That’s quite a beautiful message, don’t you think?

That we torture ourselves with self-depreciation in the process, because we supposedly should know what we truly want and be thriving at it by now, only gets in the way. So why do we do it?

In most cultures, we are bombarded with expectations to know early on what we want to do with our lives, so we inevitably absorb these expectations as our own and judge ourselves when we don’t meet them.

To get out of this vicious circle, I have found that there are 7 key points that will help you move forward, faster.

  1. Embrace the crisis.
    It is a beautiful thing that you have the wisdom to seek a more purpose-driven life. The discomfort is just a call for attention.
  2. Stop the judgement.
    Don’t shoot the messenger! Not only is it not being kind to yourself, but it’s actually getting in your way from finding the answer you seek. Try practicing self-care and self-love, and be okay with where you are right now.
  3. Get excited about what is to come.
    Even if you don’t know what you will find, visualise and embrace the feeling that will come with finding it. Sit in the energy of fulfillment on a regular basis and you will be drawn to finding it.
  4. Change your language.
    Pay attention to the words you use when thinking about what you’re trying to achieve. Words hold energy, so if you keep thinking “I’m fed up not knowing what I want”, your subconscious mind will embody that feeling, whereas thinking “I look forward to knowing what I want” will shift your energy and help you rather than work against you.
  5. Think about your values.
    Make a list of the things that you worship most of all. Your values are at the core of your purpose. How you will choose to share your light is only the tool, and there are many tools available to you. But don’t get stuck on the HOW. Find the WHY first by connecting with what is most meaningful to you.
  6. Don’t be afraid to revisit the painful moments in your life.
    It’s a place we don’t like to go, but consider that painful experiences were painful because they shook our values to the core. Somewhere in that pain are golden nuggets that connect us to what we really stand for, and having overcome hardship gives us a great deal of resources to help others do the same. Chances are that your purpose is hidden somewhere in that place you’ve swept under the carpet.
  7. Find a non-attached, non-judgemental soul who asks great questions.
    It’s hard to have a constructive conversation with ourselves, and the people around us aren’t always good at it either. They fear for us when we question the status quo because we’re considering exploring the unknown, i.e., potential danger. Out of fear for us, they might try to dissuade us, and most likely succeed. Find a neutral person who won’t get triggered by your quest.

Remember that purpose is a beautiful thing that comes to you when you are ready for it. Getting out of your own way already gets you halfway there.

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Nicole Wittauer is an Identity Coach and Founder of Maps of Life. Drawing on over 30 years of experience, Nicole works with women questioning their life choices to help them connect to a deeper sense of Identity and Purpose. She has coached Award-Winning Entrepreneurs and Influencers, and is the Creator of the Identity Atlas mapping system. For more information visit www.maps-of-life.com.

Feature slider image by Jason Blackeye

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