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He Told Me I am Letting You Be YOU!

By on August 31, 2021
BeYou

By Leslie Mercado

I am an Empowered woman. I’m 44 years old and I have been financially independent for the last 15 years. However, my husband told me that I was where I am because of him! There were countless arguments racing through my mind reasoning that he had nothing to do with my success. For example, I am a smart woman, practical, accountable, I can budget, I am paying bills, I take care of the kids, and the list goes on and on… I paused my thoughts and actually asked him,” Why he thought that I owed my success to him”? His answer was simple …. I don’t stop you from being YOU!

Before I continue this topic, I would like to share my story with you so that you can have a better understanding. When I was 15 years old, I had a huge discussion with my father about the unfairness of a woman living in a Man’s World. With all his patience and some of his pedagogy skills (he was a teacher), he told me that the best I could do was to educate myself and be successful at my profession. This way I would not depend on any man.

I finished my studies and started my career. I experienced different forms of sexual harassment from more than a couple managers, comments that could be defined as sexual harassment from the man I reported it was excused as just “being nice”. Really?? I think people should know the proper way to be nice, Period!! So many times, I had to change or ignore conversations when they were offensive to me. The most annoying thing to me is that Women are expected to explain themselves and man can have immunity from this.

Anyway, I persevered thru all these horrible experiences, and in some way, I could handle them without feeling bad. as a matter of fact, those type of experiences were the ones that made me want to continue my professional journey and prove that I my talent, courage, and knowledge were the things taking me to my success. And that was my true belief until my husband told me that my success was because he LET ME BE ME!

The issue started 3 years ago when I asked my husband for some space. I was going through some personal battles, and he was desperate because he couldn’t understand why I needed a separation. He decided to start reaching out to some of my friends; during his conversation with them he mentioned that I was successful because of him. He repeated this to several of my girlfriends and he even said this to me.
I never argued this point, since it was obvious to me, I was responsible for my own success and when we got back together (we did, I love happy living instead of happy endings) we had other pressing issues that needed our attention.

Recently I was reminded that we are living in a Patriarchal world, and suddenly this phrase was resonating inside me… “I LET YOU BE YOU”.

I started digging into this statement. It is obvious for me that I AM who I AM. That I do not need to ask or be allowed to BE ME! It is an implicit thing that when someone IS themselves, no one has or should have the control of Letting ME BE ME!!!

Still, I was curious, and I had to ask my husband what he meant. He said, “Well I could be a different man and not allowing you to work, or travel”. He even said, “Imagine that I could be more like “so and so” (he mentioned a Macho Man we both know very well).

I replied, “it is simple for me, if you were more like him, you wouldn’t have been on my dating radar. I wouldn’t have even had a conversation with you, let alone marry you if you were that different”.

But you know, the thing is that unconsciously, my husband really thinks that he can control me or at least he believes he has the ability to do it. (Like I am going to let this happen ha!! And another big HA!!!!).

This is the result of more than a thousand years of having and passing this belief to all men throughout history.

Maria Rodriguez-Shadow states on her book “The Aztec Woman” that she believes as Maurice Godelier does, that “The submission of the Women is due to Men necessity of controlling them on production and reproduction”. Will this statement be the one that makes my husband think that I am successful because of him? Do this translate on “I can stop you because I need to control what you are producing? I do not think that is my case but instead raises many questions like, Will Men’s biggest fear be losing control? Are Women afraid of getting the control themselves? Are we that Powerful that need to be controlled?

Raising awareness about gender parity and equal importance of roles is a big and continued effort that needs to last at least for another thousand years!! Sharing this kind of stories let us know Women are Powerful and that we do not need any approvals/ permission to Let US BE US!

For sure this will need further and a deeper talk.

What I do Believe is that I AM WHO I AM, because of ME

No one “Let Me BE ME” except the Universe/ GOD or this omnipresence that make us alive.

One more thing! Please BE YOURLSELF!

With Love,
Leslie M.

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Picture1My name is Leslie Mercado, I am 44 years old, I am married to a wonderful man, I have 2 kids, the eldest is a boy and he is 15 years old and my little one, a girl, she is 10 years old. I was raised and born in Monterrey, Mexico. I like to travel and love to be at the ocean.

I have a degree on International Business, and my professional life has been around Purchasing, Logistics and Customer Service. I have been working for different companies for almost 25 years.

I noticed that I really like to help people, and decided to explore Coaching, I have 2 Certifications as a coach:
-Empowerment Coaching
-Ontological Coaching

Some other interesting things about me:
*Most difficult thing in my life: Getting to know me!!
*Easiest thing in my life: Spread love and Expressing myself!
*Huge Discovery: The name of the person that was limiting myself. Leslie Mercado… yes, the one and only me!!!
*Best Decision Ever: I decided that I will become my best friend, best company, best cheerleader, best advisor and yes…. sometimes I am also my best and own coach!
Feature Slider Image by Clay Banks

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