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ever tried to have an empowered conversation with a victim?

By on December 23, 2013
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You finally summon up the courage to speak your truth.

You set your intention before you speak, i.e. “I want to explain how I feel so you’ll understand me better.”

Your energy is open-minded and willing. You speak from your heart (your soul) not your head (your ego).

You carefully select your words as to not offend . . .

And yet, somehow you still do offend.

Your truth, no matter how kindly you share it, will offend some people.

Your truth, no matter how calmly and clearly (not aggressively) you declare it, will piss some people off.

They shut down.

They don’t hear you.

They’ve already decided to disengage from the conversation. The drama begins.

They simply shut you out . . . shut you off.

They walk away. They accuse you of attacking them. They feel sorry for themselves. You can see where this is going.

You think back over the conversation. No. There was no attacking. You weren’t malicious, unkind, or mean. The last thing you wanted was an argument. You were hoping for communication — negotiating and compromise. You were hoping to elevate things not crush them. You just want to be understood.

Sorry.

But your truth doesn’t matter to them.

They aren’t equipped to hear it. It feels too personal. They want you to be what they want you to be. They need you to feel what they need you to feel. 

Perhaps, they grew up feeling attacked and you’re triggering a wound in them. Somehow your truth confuses them about themselves.

Perhaps, you came from a home where people talked about their feelings. Sometimes they even yelled. But they always made up. They shared. They cared. They worked it out.

But not now. Not here.

The stonewalling begins.

Eggshells are scattered all over the floor.

Don’t move. You’ll crush them.

What Do You Do When You’re Trying
To Have an Empowered Conversation with a Victim? 

When you are sharing your truth, you can’t be responsible for someone else’s feelings.

You can’t make them like what you have to say. You can’t make them agree with what you have to say. You can’t control anyone but yourself.

However, if it matters enough to you, speak your truth.

Yes! Speak your truth. But be very sure, your truth really is YOUR TRUTH and not a projection of your own wounds.

Truth without love can be very harsh, while truth with love is how we build authentic, honest relationships.

You say what you need to say. You say it with as much compassion and thoughtfulness as feasibly possible. Keep your heart and mind open.

You say:“I feel __________.” 
Not: “You make me feel ___________.”

Then, you wait.

You stand in your truth.

If they want to pull you into their drama, stay true. Don’t give away your power.

If they want to negate, walk away, or ignore you, don’t chase after them (before you know it, you’ll become the bully and they’ll feel even more justified as the victim).

Sometimes, after your truth sinks in (not pounded in), they will realize your truth was simply YOUR TRUTH.

But be prepared: Sometimes your truth will never be acknowledged or accepted. It doesn’t mean you should back peddle. Don’t disable them by enabling them. Don’t own their stuff. But be sure to own your own! 

If the relationship matters, don’t give up. Your truth will set you free . . .

I’d love to hear your thoughts on today’s blog. If you leave a comment, I’ll get back to you.

Warmly,

P.S. Sometimes truth is best heard in a whisper.

P.S.S. Don’t forget to grab my 7 FREE GIFTS (seven free daily mp3′s to help you Crystalize Your Dreams!)

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