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Door Handles

By on July 16, 2020
door

By: Pam Del Franco

It really is ok to feel afraid sometimes.

In the earlier days of this pandemic, I went for a 20 min walk around the block. Boom! You might be thinking that it sounds lame and be wondering how is that being courageous?

Door handles.

The first number of weeks of the outbreak, I was anxious for myself, my family and, well, pretty well everyone. My body shook internally. I wanted to curl into the fetal position and cover my head with a blanket (and sometimes I did) desperately ignoring as much as I could. It felt like collective fears were bombarding my energy field, and if I hid, I could make them go away.

On this day, I wanted to go for a walk. After lumbering down the long hallway, I broke out into the sunshine and headed for the shady side of the street. My underused muscles screamed with every step. My hips creaked, my quads desperately tried to keep me in a couch position, and my low back felt like pulling sinewy meat apart. Within minutes, my whole body begged to get back to a sedentary position.

Fear wasted little time harping about shame. “What about the men and women in essential services? That’s courage.” Then she tried belittling, “What you’re doing is nothing other than being a drama queen,” and then she was just mean saying, “Get over yourself!” Being well-practiced (not to mention a b..ch), I felt guilty before I even reached the edge of the driveway. I thought I was ridiculous.

I kept walking, encouraged by Mother Nature. The sun, the flowers, and people mowing their green lawns all welcomed me into a world beyond my patio. The stranger coming my way with his dog moved to the edge of the road to offer me six feet. Perhaps he recognized I was that woman struggling to break free. My heart filled as I lifted my hand in acknowledgment. A few minutes later, the dad of a family with small children nods as I take my turn to step onto the edge of the road. In the space of ten minutes, my heart witnessed kindness growing exponentially.

I took the shortcut onto the main street. Panting on the incline, I began to get riled up again. What if… I visualized the worst and just wanted to float back to the couch. I murmured words to my angels and kept walking. In response, my body immediately started to speak loud and clear. She was feeling the momentum and craved more, pushing my shoulders back, my eyes focused on forward movements.

I thought about the people I had just connected with, and love spilled out of my eyes. I silently thanked them for their kindness. As if on cue, I heard a whisper… “Each time you feel a fear that’s unrelated to survival, ask yourself, what would a small step towards courage look like?” Wrapped in compassion from strangers, I reached the entry door ten minutes later.

Five germ-y door handles that led from the building entry to my apartment had held me hostage for weeks. Many people had touched them, and stories of blue light showing all the COV19 on them played on my mind. Coming back, those fellow walkers were with me as I walked through the door-handle hell like a boss.

The thing is, when we feel afraid, we can berate ourselves with mean-girl thoughts and think we don’t have the right to feel that way. In those moments of fear, close down the outside world of comparisons and move into allowing. No judgement; just be in the expression of that fear for a few moments. You’ll notice that she’s a bully and feeding off the energy that makes her think you’re weak. When you stop feeling bad for simply feeling something, you’ll have the courage to face her just long enough to hear the whisper of your soul and then love floods in from all sources.

There are more courageous people out there than I can count. My walk doesn’t hold a candle to what they do every day. But the thing is, it doesn’t have to because this isn’t a competition. I can appreciate and love them for everything they do. At the same time, I can value the small step that I made. Courage is moving beyond your fear in any small measure—baby steps when needed.

Our experiences are like the butterfly in the Amazon. The seemingly simple act of those people passing me on the street, smiling and without a word, comforting me, had that ripple effect. Little did they know that they helped me move beyond the door handles better than any lecture or berating could do. They inspired me to write so I can touch others and whisper to them, “It’s ok to be afraid, it’s not ok to judge yourself for it. That’s what feeds the bully, the judgement you place upon yourself for feeling that way. She’s hungriest when you dislike who you are in those moments.”

Back home, I was reminded of how complacent I had been, and my body had suffered. Those strangers told me how compassion helps you face fear and say, not today…a..hole, not today. And with that, you’ll hear the whisper of your soul.

 

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PAM-JAN2019-resizedPam Del Franco is a Social Service Worker, Master Empowerment Coach, Author, and Psychic Medium. She’s studied the Laws of the Universe, dream interpretation, hypnotherapy and has over 30 years experience helping people like you.

Connect with her at: www.pamdelfranco.com | delfrancopam@gmail.com

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