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Do You Know Who You Sound Like?

By on April 11, 2019
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By Kathryn Chavez

It was April of 1994, and I was 25, blissfully naïve, and ready to soak up my singing opportunities in the casino showrooms in Las Vegas.  I arrived with my vocal degree, my sun-shiny attitude, and my recent experience as a professional church cantor. Sure, why not?  (I did say I was naïve)

Ok, so my voice was a bit on the operatic side, but I was smart enough to know that I needed some additional training in order to switch my format.  I found the best Seth Riggs vocal teacher in town. I went from Mozart to Mariah Carey in a matter of months and was declared “performance ready.”

I wasn’t short on vocal training, but I lacked experience singing live in bands. So, I joined girl-groups, duos, trios, I even entered karaoke contests.  The audience could always be relied upon to clap for every song because they were either friends, family members, or drunk strangers. Eventually, I landed a long-term contract with a showroom band. Ah…now I was going somewhere. I immediately invested in a prescribed stage-worthy wardrobe, dutifully rehearsed the material I was given, and made sure I got along with everyone.

The first couple of weeks was the honeymoon phase, and everyone was laying the compliments on each other as thick as syrup. Then, everyone started getting comfortable and began picking at each other: “You said key of G!” and “are you the only one who can’t hear that?” Comfortable became uncomfortable, and I became the target of open-criticism for not sounding exactly like the original artist (I just couldn’t quite channel Chaka Khan), for being too sweet on stage, for being out of sync with my dance steps, etc. It became a ritual tear-down.

At one point, the bass player yelled at me between sets, “Your s**t is weak!” That comment came like a knife to my heart. I was speechless. I felt like I had just been slapped in the face. I was so caught off guard. I had practiced for hours, memorized hundreds of songs, and I was determined to be a team player.  So in that brief moment, the bass player was criticizing my singing; but I identified with the sound of my voice. So, what I heard was “You’re no good.”  I got vocal-shamed!

I felt shot down over that because I was killing myself trying to convince audiences that I sounded like someone else.  Or at least, not like me.  And yet, I knew I didn’t spend years of training, studying, and practicing for that.  So, why was my sense of worth wrapped up in the listener’s response?  Because I wasn’t singing for myself.  I wasn’t appreciating or being in love with that part of me, the part that was unique to me. I was concerned about meeting the demands of others, singing the songs they wanted me to sing, sounding just like the artist, performing the dance moves they wanted me to, and buying the right outfits. I was complying, and I was not speaking up when it didn’t always feel right.
Eventually, I started criticizing my own voice, and to be honest, my very being, because that was the reinforcing message I was hearing.

It took me a long time to come back from that, but I realized that my voice is unique and that only I sounded like me. I needed to embrace that. I started to write and record my own music with my husband. When I wrote and sang my own material, I stopped blending in and not just musically. It was amazing to experience the freedom of singing out, without feelings of apprehension over unwelcome feedback. I finally had a say in the creative process and the direction it was going in.

I could call the shots when it came to the material I would sing, and how it would be put together; I could decide what to wear, what gigs to take, and who I would be playing with. I was finally out of that cage.

Sharing my original material gave rise to my courage in speaking up, courage to be front and center, and courage to stand up to my critics.  I didn’t know what to say all those years ago when I was told that I was a “weak, s**tty, singer.”  But today? I know I’m a great singer. Being an imitator on the other hand? That I’m pretty lousy at.

 

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kcKathryn Chavez is a professional vocalist, recording artist and intuitive guide living in Las Vegas, Nevada.  For over 20 years, she has coached other women in singing, speaking, and presenting, and teaching them to find courage through their intuition and their voices. She can be found online at https://www.kathrynchavez.club/ on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/KathrynChavezClub/?modal=admin_todo_tour and on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/kathrynchavezclub/

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