Be A Decision Maker And Not A Waffler

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Written by Karen Denise (aka Giggy the Grandmother)

For some reason making a decision has been my mantra lately.  Recently, it just keeps coming up and lingering in my mind, especially if I have some choice to make.  Just make a dang decision!  The last thing I waffled on had to do with something as simple as what I am going to have for dinner:

Salad (so tired of it)

Soup (homemade and yummy, but just had it for lunch)

Stir Fry (who wants to cook and do I have all the ingredients?)

Fried Rice (carbs, ugh…and I have to go out to get it)

Get my point?  Why do I allow myself to talk myself out of what I want?  I find myself hearing tapes in my head from all the ‘health experts’ who blast what you should and should not eat.  Somewhere deep down in me is my own desire, my own wants…finding it is the key.  And, no, it’s not a green smoothie!  🙂

So, for something as simple as what I want for dinner can become a diatribe in my mind as I try to sort things out.  That, my friend is why I had to start deciding – to keep myself from starving trying to decide what to eat!

Where did this waffling come from?  Why is it such a chore to figure out what we want and then say it?

Here’s my take on it:  from the time we were babes, we have been inundated with other’s opinions and decisions for our lives.  We originally were fearless, able to decide if we wanted to eat or not eat by just refusing to open our mouths.  We learned to say “no!” very early on, making decisions without hesitation.  Then, something began to change as we started getting older and realized who was really in charge.  Some of us were fortunate enough to have parents who allowed us to make our own choices as a child, such as what socks to put on, even if they didn’t match.  Others were so tightly controlled by parents that they couldn’t choose their own clothes until they were a teen and even then, would have to sneak their clothes of choice out of the house and put them on at school. Well, this may be a bit of an exaggeration – maybe pre-teen is a better timeframe, but you get the point.

Once we became old enough and were required to make our own decisions, it became a chore:

“Ummm…, well…, I dunno, what do you want to do?”

“Where do you want to go?”

“How long do you want to say?”

Sound familiar?  I used to do this all the time, to the chagrin of the person I was talking to.  And what makes it worse is that I couldn’t stand it if someone tried to make me make the decision – I wanted them to just make the doggone decision and stop rambling for God’s sake!  But, when it’s me that’s rambling, I would get offended if the other person showed any hint of impatience at my indecision.

Over time (and I mean a long time), I got it!  It finally clicked in my mind – just make a decision – even if it’s wrong or you may change your mind later.  Become a person of decisiveness, a person of clarity and finality.  When you do so it makes life a whole lot better…and it saves a lot of time.  No more going back and forth, rolling all the options around in your head or with someone else over and over again.  Just decide!

Whew!  What freedom came when I made the decision to start making decisions.  I can look back at some of them and think ‘maybe I could have made a different decision on that one’, but even so, I pride myself on the fact that I decided.  I didn’t ask for someone’s opinion, advice or recommendation – I thought it through within myself, trusted my intuition and Spirit.  Then, I chose!

Now sometimes we do need the opinions of others as we are not an island and should not operate in a silo all the time.  However, decisions like which movie do I want to see should not be a discussion for a Mastermind group.  I can look at what’s available and make that decision for myself.  And, if my friends don’t want to see that particular movie, I can go alone.  Now having said that, are decisions then final?

Do I have to only see that particular movie and only at that time?  No, I can change my decision and see a different movie if the majority wants to see something else.  What making a decision on the movie I wanted to see did was give me power over me.  If the majority chooses something different, I can make the decision if I want to go or not (wow – that felt yummy all inside of me as I was writing it down!)  I am in control of me and that’s powerful!

And don’t get it wrong, this does not make me or you an obnoxious control freak!  Quite the contrary; it makes us women of power and authority over our thoughts and our lives.  This is a good thing, maybe a small thing to some, but for a lot of us this is huge.

I can recall when I was married and a homemaker.  I felt so overwhelmed just getting through the day until I didn’t want to have to make obvious decisions.  I saw myself like a see-saw, up and down, up and down, never standing firm.  My decisions were scrutinized through four children, a husband, my old habits/paradigms and my dysfunctional desire to please others.  Looking back now, I see that I actually was the Queen of decision making – I chose what we would eat, what rooms would be cleaned on a particular day, what day to go grocery shopping, when to take the children for checkups, nap time, night out with hubby, etc., etc., etc.  How sad for me that I didn’t recognize my strength and power at that time.  I didn’t even realize that those were decisions.  I found myself berating myself when my (no longer) husband would say things like, “We are having this again?  Can’t you prepare something else?” Or “Just decide where we are going for dinner, will you? I’ve been working all day and don’t want to have to think anymore…”

Calm down ladies, calm down!  I’m sure some of you have been there and others may still be there now but doesn’t it just irk the daylights out of you?  Well, no more!  Stand up and realize how much of a powerful decision maker you already are and stand strong in that!

And then, when it comes to what you will have for dinner, have any damn thing you want!

(For me, my choice was the hot, yummy homemade soup…and some dark chocolate and a glass of red wine for desert!)

Here’s to decision making!

Karen Denise aka Giggy the Grandmother is a teacher, minister, author and life and business coach. With all her years of experience, Giggy teaches others how to get “unstuck”. Giggy is the mother of 4 and grandmother of 16 and currently resides in Raleigh, NC.

Free eBook: http://wisdomspeaks.org