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Crystal Andrus: Peaceful Versus Passive

By on November 26, 2013
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There’s a big difference.

For most of my life, I believed my soul only wanted peace. And while this is true (our soul does want peace), what I didn’t understand was the difference between peaceful and passive communication.

Most times when I would find myself in a situation with an aggressor, instead of rising to neutral ground, quickly assessing both sides, and seeking compromise so that we would both feel validated and understood, I would conversely feel my throat tightening, my chest constricting, and my knees buckling. Worried that confrontation was on the horizon, I would back down to avoid an argument.

“Take the high road,” my inner angel would whisper. “It’s not worth it.”

What I didn’t realize then was that “taking the high road” didn’t mean backing down. It actually refers to a communication style whereby you feel empowered enough to share your truth / feelings / needs without offending or being offended. It is a peaceful place where one has no agenda to control the outcome but rather to discover the truth.

“To live and let live.”

“To agree to disagree.”

“To love unconditionally.”

Peace is literally on one end of the empowerment spectrum with passivity on the other end. They are as opposite as one can imagine.

How do you know if you are operating from a place of peace or passive?

The answer resides in how you feel!

Passive communication leaves you feeling taken advantage of, misunderstood, exhausted, helpless, even bullied.  Over-giving, over-doing, and over-trying, you are often labeled as “too nice”, even “saintly” (which makes it very challenging to transcend).

Then, when you finally do become fed up (you are human!), you rise up just enough to become “passive-aggressive”—letting the people in your life know you’re unhappy by slamming a door, storming out of the room, or giving them the silent treatment.

You’ve never been taught how to “say what you mean and mean what you say”.

Not to mention, you’re afraid others will stay mad at you, or worse, abandon you, if you act too aggressively.

Peaceful communication, on the other hand, is an empowered, assertive form of interacting with others that leaves you feeling understood, validated, respected, even energized. It isn’t about winning, convincing, or manipulating to get your way. It is a feeling of “how can this best serve us all — including me?”

Peaceful communicators understand that anger is an emotional marker that tells them they are about to give away their power. If they engage in an aggressive conversation, words will be said and feelings will be hurt. If they continue, they will either become the aggressor or fall further into a helpless, passive position. Both are disempowered.

Yet, if they remain in an assertive, open-minded, fair, and impartial form of communication, solutions will be found, dignity will stay intact, and progress will be made.

But what if you are at the opposite place of feeling peaceful? What are you to do?

Begin by consistently reminding yourself that peace and passive are as opposite as love and fear

If you are in a passive position, be courageous enough to push up through your anger (of course, you’re angry!) to see that unless your relationships are a “win-win”, you are either a victim or a perpetrator. The only way these types of relationships can exist is by someone losing and someone winning.

Once you have the courage to decide that you will no longer play games with people, will no longer be pulled into drama and dysfunction, and no longer want to feel disempowered, codependent, or abused, you are on your way to peace!

Yes! Peace comes only after realizing you matter, your needs matter, your feelings matter, as well as others, too.

Once you decide that the whole point of relationships are to “live, love, laugh” (as cliché as it sounds), then you will know you are ready to become a peaceful person. 

If you need help with this, I encourage you to sign up for my new 3 week course that starts December 15th designed to help you thrive throughout the holidays (we all know how stressful it is dealing with family members at this time of the year): Keep Calm & Santa On!

Only $49, Keep Calm & Santa On! is a brand-new empowerment program I’ve designed that will give you the tools to maintain your peace, sanity, and dignity this holiday season!

I’d love to know your thoughts on this! I’ll be sure to respond!

Warmly,

Crystal

 

crystal closeupCrystal Andrus is a leader in the field of self-discovery and personal transformation. From a very tough beginning—one that could easily have spun her into darkness, Crystal has risen to become an international coaching sensation and the Founder of The S.W.A.T. Institute (Simply Woman Accredited Trainer)- the world’s #1 on-line Personal Empowerment Coaching Certification School for women. She’s three-time best-selling Hay House author, the host of “The Crystal Andrus Show” and “Empowerment Class” on CBS Radio, a widely-sought after motivational speaker and a world-renowned women’s advocate. www.crystalandrus.com

 

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