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Crystal Andrus Calms the Inner Mamma Bear

By on September 3, 2013
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Mother Energy™ has crept back into my life again—that fiercely protective, “Worrier-Warrior”who is certain my children aren’t quite ready for the natural progression of life and can’t handle the next steps without my continual guidance and loving, hands-on approach.

No, my Mother Energy™ is not an actual person. She’s within me.  (And no, I don’t have “multiple personalities”.)

Mother Energy™ is an Emotional Archetype that lies within every woman. She represents the fiercely primitive, maternal, selfless, sometimes “giving to a fault” part of us – the Momma Bear who will die fighting for her cubs.

The trouble is, Mother Energy™ can’t always identify real danger from her own fear of letting go.

Certain no one else is capable of handling things the right way, Mother Energy™ takes on more than she can handle, knowing something will have to give (and that something is her needs, wants, time, energy, and eventually, her joy).

She doesn’t do it on purpose. She just cares so much and is convinced if she doesn’t do it then it won’t get done properly.

And boy oh boy, she’s been fighting for the reins in my life lately.

The last time I remember this overwhelming feeling of wanting to protect was when my first daughter went to Junior Kindergarten. I cried and cried and cried. I sat in the car watching the playground during recess. Came back to observe over lunch.

No way. She wasn’t ready. She had always been so shy and sweet and quiet and mine to protect, teach, and nurture. She hid in the corner by herself the entire time.

Where was the teacher? Why wasn’t anyone helping her to integrate with the other kids? I wanted to scoop my baby up and bring her home—back to the safety of my nest.

I spoke with the teacher who had a gruff demeanor. She assured me my child was fine.

“Why is this woman teaching four-year-olds? Aren’t kindergarten teachers supposed to be like sweet, lovely, soft, grandma-types who hug the kids and talk gently?”

Nope. This wasn’t going to work. My child would be homeschooled. My Mother Energy™ was happy to take on this extra role.

Who knows if I was actually right? Who knows if my fears were justified? Maybe I was overreacting? Maybe my daughter was ready and I wasn’t?

Regardless, I took her home and went to work: flash cards, painting easel, chalk board, and thick red pencils. She was reading Dr. Seuss before she was five. I could do this!

And then something began speaking to me from deep within. It was asking me some important questions:

 

Was I holding onto the reins too tightly?

Could holding on too much be just as damaging as too little?

Was this even about school? My kids? My parenting? Or more about me and my own childhood?

Was I being too protective simply because I hadn’t been protected as a daughter?

 

I knew it was time to figure out the type of mother I needed to be. Here’s what I discovered: I wanted to be involved but not overbearing, available but not intrusive, loving but not controlling, trusting but not foolish, patient but not a pushover, understanding but not naïve, compassionate but not a doormat, and most certainly a woman who had her own life, her own dreams, and her own plans and was modeling it to my daughters. I wanted to be the type of woman they’d one day want to become.

By Senior Kindergarten, Maddy seemed ready and Julia, her younger sister, was beyond excited about going to Junior Kindergarten. Off they went, hand-in-hand. Sticking together became a theme I adopted. It helped calm my Mother Energy™, knowing they always had each other.

(Note: If you’re a mother who homeschools: God-bless you. There is no judgment in my decision to stop homeschooling. We all must do what is right for our own families.)

The real point of this blog is to share with you what I discovered about myself.

Once my children went to school, I realized I had another very important job to accomplish. It was time to heal my own wounded inner child—my Daughter Energy™—the little girl within me who needed protection, counsel, love, and kindness.

The more work I did helping her, the less I projected my own fears onto my children. 

It was working. For twelve years, parenting became “an art form” for me. I was really mastering it.

And then my eldest daughter turned sixteen: driver’s license time.

Imagine! She, herself, alone would be driving a 3,500 pound car that could hit speeds of 100+ miles per hour through rain, sleet, snow, and other hazardous conditions. And the worst part: there are other cars on the road!

I was losing control. My fierce protective Mother Energy™ was rearing her head again.

Teaching Maddy to drive was beyond painful—for both of us. If I could’ve made her sit on my lap while I controlled the gas and brakes, I would have. She refused. LOL

But, she took her final exam and passed with flying colors.

Damn.

Damn.

Damn.

For the first time in my life, I wished she would have failed. (Not really . . . but my Mother Energy™ did. Blame it on her!)

Then, imagine this  . . .

She had saved up enough of her own money (from working throughout high school) to not only purchase her own car but to cover the insurance and gas costs.

Why was she doing this to me? Why was she so wonderful, mature, responsible, and capable? (Maybe the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. . .)

And now this past month, I’ve had to face it all over again: my youngest daughter has just passed her driver’s exam and wants to take my car out ALONE. All by herself!

I’m working through it.

I’ve taken my Mother Energy™ for a talk and explained to her that all birds must one day leave the nest and that “our” love is the protective bubble that stays with our kids as they venture out into the world. 

They aren’t leaving forever. Mine are just driving.

Yes. It’s a very big deal but as I remind myself, when I was sixteen I was living on my own, figuring out how to get food, lodging, transportation, money, protection, and getting myself to the hospital for ongoing treatment for a serious medical condition.

She just has to drive herself to the mall and back. She can do this!

And so today, I say to all Mothers who are struggling with sending their Baby Bear off to Kindergarten, University, or to a waiting Bride or Groom, trust that your love has given your child the confidence to blossom in the world, while assuring them you are always there to hug, listen, support, counsel, and kiss a scraped knee.

They will be okay. You will be okay.

Trust that your love can’t be contained. It will transcend classrooms, roads, borders, and paths still left untraveled. Real love wants what is best, not for us but, for them.

And with that being said, please go do something good for yourself today! Self-love is one of the greatest gifts we can teach our “wee ones”.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this article.

Warmly,

Crystal

 

340006_10150311350648122_335684808_oCrystal Andrus is a leader in the field of self-discovery and personal transformation. From a very tough beginning—one that could easily have spun her into darkness, Crystal has risen to become an international coaching sensation and the Founder of The S.W.A.T. Institute (Simply Woman Accredited Trainer)- the world’s #1 on-line Personal Empowerment Coaching Certification School for women. She’s three-time best-selling Hay House author, the host of “The Crystal Andrus Show” and “Empowerment Class” on CBS Radio, a widely-sought after motivational speaker and a world-renowned women’s advocate. www.crystalandrus.com

 

 

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