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Could Fixing Your Sleep Be the Key to Spicing Up Your Relationship?

By on February 11, 2019
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By Laurie Larson

Getting enough sleep matters in every aspect of your life: your health, work, and even relationships.

We have better physical health when we sleep and run the risk of developing some foul conditions like exhaustion and moodiness when we don’t. Even your most intimate relationship with a bed partner is challenged when you’re sleep deprived.

How your sleep can affect your relationship

First off, your looks may be at risk without your beauty sleep. According to a 1986 study, sleep deprivation makes you less attractive. (They even proved it with photos. Yikes.) This would probably shock women not one iota. We know what we look like after a short night in bed. We know how we feel as well—cranky, no energy, unable to deal, zero sense of humor.

No one looks like a soul mate on four hours of sleep. You’re in no mood and no condition to look at your beloved with desire or kindness, to speak effectively about your issues or to help them in their own struggles.

Even if you are getting sleep, you may have trouble coordinating your ZZZs if you sleep on different schedules. Sleeping on different schedules can pose challenges to your relationship. If your sweetie is working the night shift and you’re doing days, when do you meet up to talk, enjoy the other’s company, or (perhaps most importantly) have sex?

The good news

Now you know a bad relationship in the bed could negatively your relationship. Thankfully the inverse is true as well. The more harmonious you are in bed—both awake during intimate relations and asleep—the better your relationship will be.

Respectfully, we offer up some practical ways to keep the passion burning steadily and brightly:

Respect each other’s need to sleep. It’s real and bone deep. We’re talking about allowing your partner to rejuvenate and heal, and giving yourself space to do so as well. Neither of you is anywhere close to your best—physically or emotionally—without the recommended 7 to 9 hours per day. So most nights when you jump into bed, you should just be focused on getting great sleep.

Sleep together. This may be difficult if one of you snores or suffers from sleep apnea or insomnia, but being physically close to someone during the day will make you feel better and help you bond. Touching someone—kissing, cuddling, and having sex—releases dopamine and serotonin, which boost mood and temper depression. You’re both happier. And you did that for each other. Knowing your loved one cares that much strengthens your bond.

On the other side of that coin, a stable relationship helps you sleep better. There’s even research showing women who are happy with long-term partners fall asleep faster and stayed asleep longer than single folks or anyone who changed relationship status during the study.

The researcher behind this particular study also suggests physical proximity of sleeping together enhances our feelings of security, which lowers the stress hormone known as cortisol. Simply sharing a bed does all of this for you. Isn’t that amazing?

Have more sex. The positive emotions that come from the closeness and physical sensations during and after an orgasm all promote overall well-being, both physical and mental. We don’t mean to make it sound so easy, as if sex is a cure for all that ails you (although your partner may like to think so). The point here is that getting down with your partner promotes the things you need for good rest, and getting enough sleep can stave off illness, improve our mood and our ability to focus. It will give us a clearer, more upbeat view of the world and the person we want closest to us in life.

Making compromises

Of course, sharing a bed is still sharing. And sharing anything in a relation, intimate or otherwise, requires compromise.

If you do sleep on different schedules, there is room to negotiate waking up earlier or going to bed later so you do get some cuddling time together.

If one of you needs to watch TV to sleep and the other doesn’t, well, we’re here to tell you to get rid of the TV and the electronics. There’s no compromise here. The blue light from TVs, smartphones and tablets keeps you awake. Keep them out of the bedroom!

If you have different sleeping preferences, you may struggle to find ways to both be comfy in the bed. Even with one bed, there are ways to compromise. Look into reviews to find ways you can choose a bed you both like. Just make sure you choose the right size for you as well so you have plenty of room to stretch out and cuddling is a choice rather than being forced to squeeze together.

Sweet dreams!

There are any number of reasons to not sleep together with your lover. Different schedules. Different sleep positions. Disruptive conditions like sleep apnea that can also take a toll on partners. Conflict. Still, couples who choose to sleep apart may be hindering their relationship.

Do what you need to make the necessary compromises and find ways to enjoy sweet dreams together each night. Sharing your bed at night will help you bond and keep your relationship smooth sailing.

 

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newLaurie Larson is a writer based in Durham, NC. She writes on home, health, and lifestyle topics. In her free time, she loves adding far too many books to her to-be-read collection. You can follow her adventures on Instagram @livinglaurie.

*Photo credits belong to Pexels

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