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believe in the thaw when life is frozen

By on August 12, 2013
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By Natalie Hughes, Editor in Chief.

 

To everything, turn, turn, turn

There is a season, turn, turn, turn, 

And a time to every purpose under heaven.

~The Byrds

 

I’m known within my circle of family and friends for hating winter. (Why do I live in Canada? Answer: familiarity.) I want sun on my face and sand in my toes, and for nine out of twelve months I’m outta luck besides the saving grace of a yearly trip to my beloved auntie’s in Arizona.

But winter happens…every year. Nothing grows. Everything is frozen, stuck, and dormant. Life is hibernating. Sunlight is scarce. You’d think after all these years on the planet, I would have accepted it, gone with the flow, embraced it and even found solace and comfort in it. Nope.

This year, for the first time ever (usually this is a growth and joy time for me) I experienced my spiritual winter, smack dab in the middle of summer. My beloved recording project that has been brewing for a long time was halted. And I could not understand. I WOULD not understand.

winter has come. in summer.

I got pretty frustrated for awhile there, seeing my dream encased in a block of ice and me with no pick. I wanted it now. I got lost in wondering what to do then, since this record – the great work of my life – is on hold. I let it mean something about me. I let it make me feel unready and unworthy. I let it take me to a place where I wasn’t feeling much of anything, just going through the motions. I began driving through the other workload in my life with head down and eyes closed and ears plugged, like a child who doesn’t want to hear the taunting of her foes. I let it define me and depress me. I let it put a big down-filled parka and some heavy weighted boots on me.

 

Oh, hindsight. (Otherwise known as “I-Told-You-So.”)

 

Now things are making sense. The producer of my record was finishing up a very big project (the biggest of his life thus far) where he would gain the invaluable experience necessary for my music to reach its ultimate potential. The last missing puzzle piece, a perfect drummer, came onto the scene just as the producer’s calendar became clear. And the right grand piano at the right price suddenly came into reach. And then, the final melting bits of snow, the chance to appear on stage with one of my Canadian music heroes fell into my lap, kicking my butt and cracking open my heart.

Why did I go into spoiled daughter mode instead of patient believer mode? Why didn’t I keep faith? Why did I let it hurt instead of trusting in the passing of the season?

Because I’m still learning, that’s why.

And am I going to forgive myself for it? You bet.

 

beauty_backNatalie Hughes is the Editor in Chief of simplywoman.com, a singer/songwriter, recording artist, the co-host of The Crystal Andrus Show on CBS New Sky Radio, and the musical director for Crystal Andrus Productions. For more visit nataliehughes.com and find Natalie on iTunes,  Twitter and Facebook.

 

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