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be thankful: growth through family relationships
By Lisa L. Payne.
I have found it ironic that on days meant for celebrating the gifts in our lives, I am often challenged by those closest to me. The holidays often bring out the worst in us because we have to spend time with family and, although we love them, they are usually the ones who push our buttons and send us into frenzied and frazzled aspects of the Impressive Women we are. How is it that I give my power away at these times, I wonder?
Perhaps you’ve had similar experiences, too.
Well, I have set a deliberate intention to receive these challenges as gifts that cause me to be better, do better, and have better results.
I don’t have to live this way – feeling less than and not good enough – and you don’t have to either! We deserve to move through life with grace and confidence and create lives that excite us. Are you ready? I sure am!
When you find yourself triggered by a situation or by something ‘you-know-who’ had said to you, I encourage you to try on these 5 suggestions that will boost your confidence, increase your awareness, and leave you feeling more empowered. A new approach will affect how you feel about yourself because it changes the way you perceive the words and the person behind them. As Wayne Dyer says, “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.” Truer words were never spoken.
The next time you are about to react negatively or repeat destructive patterns, remember that you have all you need within you to create a life that excites you, and that is one where you are in control of your response and your experience. Is there a family dinner coming up? Here’s a new game plan:
Create some space. Take a breath. Remove yourself physically from the situation or at least count to 10 in your head. Did you know that you don’t have to respond right away? If you have been triggered emotionally, give yourself the space to collect your thoughts and heal your heart. Call a trusted friend who doesn’t have a vested interest in the situation for comfort and a different perspective.
Accept what is. What are the facts of this situation? Are you taking something personally when it’s really not about you anyway? Let go of the meaning you are giving it. Ask yourself, “How would an outsider perceive it?” Often, our emotions make a situation seem worse than it actually is. We drege up past hurts, too, which make us feel trapped in a never-ending battle. The truth is that you can change your experience. Take responsibility for your part in creating this reality (Are you being passive, judgmental, sensitive, for example?) and own up to the power you have to experience something better.
Understand the lesson. Why does this pattern recur for you? What are you meant to learn? Maybe it’s time to change how you are BEING. When you begin to recognize how you respond to certain triggers (positively or negatively), you are one step closer to transforming them. Is there one person in your family that always “gets you going” or is there a particular topic of conversation that you try to avoid? Look deeper into those issues for the lesson. How can you prepare yourself so the next encounter has a better outcome?
See what is possible. Visualize what you would like the outcome to be. How do you define success? Get clear on what you really want. It is possible to transform your situation, but you first have to believe that you are worth it and that you have all you need to create the new reality you wish to experience. Family gatherings don’t have to look like the movies (good or bad). Holidays are celebrations and a time for joy. Define it on your own terms. You are allowed to do that, you know!
Change it up. To get a different result – one that empowers you and reflects your core values – you need to change the way you are being and what you are doing. Becoming more aware of how you have been in the past will help you identify where change is most needed. Ask for help to come up with different strategies to overcome your challenges. It’s there, waiting for you.
This week, I encourage you to reflect on your blessings – all of them. Consider what makes you smile and what challenges you to grow. And be grateful that you have the capacity and the opportunity to create a life that excites you. It’s your time for a fresh start!
Author of “What If They Knew? Secrets of an Impressive Woman”, Lisa L. Payne is a life transitions coach and motivational speaker who lives in Newfoundland & Labrador, Canada with her two school-aged children, just down the road from her wonderful parents. She holds a Certified Professional Coaching designation and a Master’s degree in Employment Relations from Memorial University. Lisa is passionate about helping her clients move through life transitions with grace and confidence so they can create lives that excite them. Her personal story of challenge and triumph was featured in “Freeing Godiva: A Woman’s Journey of Self-Empowerment.”
You can find out more about Lisa or follow her on-line at:
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