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Are you a selfless GIVER or helpless RECEIVER?

By on July 23, 2013
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By Beverly Pickard.

We are either GIVERS or RECEIVERS . . . but to find true happiness and joy in our lives, we must be able to both give and receive creating a balance in ourselves and the world around us.

As GIVERS we do for, care for, and look out for everyone else, but never give to ourselves, leaving us feeling exhausted, frustrated, empty and lacking in self-love, happiness and joy.  As RECEIVERS we take from others all that they have to offer but it is never quite enough. We are always looking for more, asking for more and taking more.  A giver never asks for help while a receiver is always asking others to help them with everything.

Think of the girls from Sex and the City – Miranda, Carrie, Samantha and Charlotte.  Two are givers (Miranda and Charlotte) and two are receivers (Carrie and Samantha).   Which character do you resonate with?  Charlotte wants desperately to find her knight in shining armour and be saved while Samantha shuns commitment and ‘takes care of herself’ but doesn’t respect herself.  Miranda is a powerful lawyer by day, but in her relationships she is a mother, a giver and doesn’t set boundaries around her personal life.  Carrie always knows she can call Miranda any time day or night with a problem, creating drama and making it all about her.

So let’s identify which is the most “you.”  Be honest with yourself (or ask a friend – they will know which you are!)  We all bounce between giving and receiving but one side is where we are most comfortable.

 

The Giver-Doer:

Doer/fixer/rescuer

Selfless

Burnt out

Enjoys buying gifts for others but never buys anything for herself

Guilty

Martyr

Disconnected/numb

Can’t say “NO”

Can’t set boundaries around her time

Puts herself last after kids, family, friends

Carries the weight of the world on her shoulders

Never takes time for yourself

Stays in relationships way to long trying to save everyone

 

The Receiver-Taker:

Fearful/scared

Insecure

Abandoned

Helpless

Jealous

Drama Queen

Hypochondriac

Self-absorbed

Needy

Overwhelmed

Procrastinator

Enjoys shopping for herself and often buys herself things when looking for a gift for others

Jumps around in relationships looking to be saved

 

The underlying truth of both the giver and receiver is that they don’t feel they are worthy of love or that they are enough.  The giver believes they must give all of themselves for someone else to love them.  The receiver believes they have to make themselves look their best for someone else to want them.  Neither one of these personas feel they are enough, but they seek love and attention in very different ways.

Take some time and ask yourself when you began to believe you had to be a giver to be loved or a receiver to be wanted.  Did you learn these behaviours from your mother? Grandmother? Television? Were you told that the only way someone will love or want you was to either look after them selflessly (giver) or be a pretty princess (receiver)? Do you still believe this, or is it a self-sabotaging belief you carry with you that doesn’t serve you anymore?  Are these beliefs getting you what you want, dream and desire for your life?

To create abundance, prosperity, success and self-love for ourselves we must learn to give without guilt and receive with gratitude.  We must be open to and accepting of both giving and receiving in all aspects of our life.  When we choose to be empowered we open ourselves up to being both givers and receivers.  According to Sacha Sterling “The most important giving we can do is to ourselves. We are the only ones who can give and receive the generous self-love and nurturing self-care that we need and desire.”

A great idea suggested to me by Crystal Andrus is to spend the next few days practicing the opposite to what you are.  If you are a giver – allow yourself to receive, pamper yourself, put yourself first, talk more about yourself and listen less.  If you are a receiver – volunteer at an old age home, offer to babysit a friend’s kids, listen to what others are saying and make the conversation about them.

Each time you open yourself up to giving and receiving, you open your heart and self-love begins to blossom.  Tell everyone you meet about the POWER of being both a GIVER and RECEIVER.  When we find our own perfect balance between giving and receiving with gratitude and love we begin to experience a life filled with self-love, happiness and acceptance of who we are.  Our energy grows and our vibrations rise toward a place of self-acceptance as we learn to nurture ourselves and let our spirit thrive!

 

Beverly Pickard INSPIRES women to CONNECT with their feminine energy and become self-aware. Through her many adventures in life, she has uncovered her truth and discovered her POWER. Beverly has created a life filled with LOVE, AUTHENTICITY and ABUNDANCE. As an expert in TRANSCENDING self-limiting beliefs of motherhood, Beverly teaches you that you can put yourself FIRST and thrive in womanhood. Beverly is an S.W.A.T. Certified Personal Empowerment Coach and holds a BA in Sociology from the University of Toronto. She enjoys travel and staying active as a certified group exercise and yoga instructor near Toronto, Ontario Canada where she lives with her three children. beverlypickard.com

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