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Appreciating Dad: Lisa L. Payne Sees the Good

By on August 19, 2013
SW model of integrity

The idea of a written tribute to my father came four days before Fathers’ Day 2009. At the age of 39, I made the discovery that my creativity is boundless if only I quiet my mind and open myself up to experience my natural gifts.

I had been struggling with my relationship with my father for a number of years, as many do, and that particular week was a difficult one. I was at a place where I was seriously considering at least a temporary hiatus from the daily phone calls and weekly visits. It was all getting to be too much and I was at a breaking point. Having been divorced for several years, this was the relationship that gave me the most grief and guilt, AND the most desire to resolve. As I went on my daily walk in the woods, I decided that I would finally surrender – I would Let Go of this problem and my quest for a solution and Let God show me the way.

The vision that came to mind first may seem morbid to some: I saw myself speaking to a large audience in a tribute to my father. This is not the morbid thought and, in fact, not even scary to me as I am a professional speaker. Here it is:

The sense that I had as I talked about all the lessons that he taught me was that he was no longer alive.

There I was in mid-stride, walking briskly, breathing in the clean air and WHAM! I received the message like a cold bucket of water over my head. I literally shook from head to toe. I quickly came to another, more inspiring realization:

I do not want to wait until my father is gone before I recognize and communicate all that he has brought to my life and my experience on this earth.

If that wasn’t enough to motivate me, the Universe sent me a reminder of how fleeting life is indeed. The day I came up with this tribute idea, there was a propane tank explosion a few houses away from my parents’. One home was completely destroyed and two others significantly damaged. No one was harmed, thankfully.

When things like this happen which seem to have no rhyme nor reason, I have found myself asking, “What am I meant to learn?” It is this same question that I posed as I sought to uncover lessons learned from my father.

 

A Model of Integrity

There I was on a Monday morning, sitting at my desk listening to the hum of a nearby lawnmower. I was doing my best to “resist the chatter” in my mind and allow the Universe to guide me into my next post about the lessons my father has taught me. Suddenly, I became distracted: “Who in the world would be mowing the lawn today when it’s 11 degrees and raining?” MY DAD, that’s who!!

In a flash, I remembered that, following dinner, the night before, he had said he would be over in the morning. There’s one thing in this world I can always count on: my dad always does what he says he will do when he says he will do it. Always. Regardless of circumstance. His integrity has been one of his defining characteristics for as long as I have known him.

There were many times when I would shake my head as my dad completed various tasks, busying himself to get things done, on time and in order. I would scratch my head and think, “Why doesn’t he just relax? Why do we have to sacrifice? Why not enjoy the moment?” As a family, we were always saving money, working on the house, preparing for something in the future.

While my dad always had his eye on the goal, he really enjoyed the process as well, although this is not something I understood at the time. I learned the value in delayed gratification, the sense of satisfaction that comes as you work toward a goal – a holiday, graduation, a garden to grow.

My dad taught me perseverance, commitment and loyalty.

He has never, once, told me that he would do something, only to disappoint me at a later date. What a rare and admirable quality this is! I was blessed to have a father whose commitment to his word defines who he is. He could always be depended upon to deliver as a father, son, husband, teacher, and friend. Imagine a world where everyone did what they said they were going to do when they said they were going to do it!

I’m not saying that I have always agreed with Dad’s choices, whether he was staying true to his word or not. Over the years, I have judged him harshly on many occasions because my perception of his life was not the most favorable. He and I do not see the world through the same eyes and that has lead to conflict and misunderstandings. It has been a long journey to learn to love and accept my father as he is and trust that he does the same for me. I believe now that my dad always did the best he could and I love him for the lessons he has taught me. I am stronger and wiser for having had him as a father.

 

LisaLPayne_headshot_April2012Author of “What If They Knew? Secrets of an Impressive Woman,” Lisa L. Payne is a life transitions coach and motivational speaker who lives in Newfoundland & Labrador, Canada with her two school-aged children, just down the road from her wonderful parents. She holds a Certified Professional Coaching designation and a Master’s degree in Employment Relations from Memorial University. Lisa is passionate about helping her clients move through life transitions with grace and confidence so they can create lives that excite them. Her personal story of challenge and triumph was featured in “Freeing Godiva: A Woman’s Journey of Self-Empowerment.” Connect with Lisa on her website, Facebook, Twitter and Linked In.

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