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What Angelina Jolie Taught Me (and Can Teach You Too) About Gloating

By on February 9, 2015
angelina jolie

Written by Susan Bremer O’Neill

When I heard about the hacking done at Sony, my curiosity got the better of me, and I stopped what I was doing to search, “Sony hack Angelina Jolie,” on the internet.  In black and white, the negative words written about her came up.

Competition and rivalry, especially among women being as it is, I inwardly gloated.

This I am not proud of.

Angelina Jolie is a beautiful woman who has fame, fortune, family, and love with one of the most attractive men in Hollywood.  The media flaunts not only her life but all celebrities’ lives in front of our faces, and we’re flooded with their opulence and success. I’m confessing to this negative reaction because this is the not-so-pretty side of me and if we women, individually and collectively, are going to rise above the societal and self-imposed limitations of competition to that of camaraderie and all-encompassing love for each other and a more balanced world, we have to be aware of and try to understand these parts of ourselves.

I could stay a perpetual victim and blame the media or something else or not even admit to this ugly characteristic that I’m working to overcome, but that won’t help me move beyond this negative trait to that of being more harmonious in my own life.  I am ashamed of my brief desire to see Angelina tore down, but I know this happens when I quit focussing on the wonderful blessings I do have.  Delighting in seeing other people bruised brings a false sense of importance and is indicative of having permanent or temporary low confidence in one’s self.

When you compare yourself to another woman you do yourself, them also, but especially yourself, a disservice.  You, just as she, has a heart that wants to expand with love and be loved in return for connectedness.  By changing your tendency to gloat at someone else’s’ missteps or misfortune and by learning to comparing yourself only to yourself, to your own progress and your own journey challenges and obstacles overcome, you can see your own progress or at the very least, you can see the places where you desire progress and change.

I saw someone on Facebook post recently that she hated Taylor Swift.  Really, I thought.  Such strong words to be posting on a Facebook page and how can she? She doesn’t even know her.

Those of us who don’t know Angelina Jolie, Taylor Swift or any other celebrity personally have no idea what demons they wrestle with.  We can speculate all day long but until we’re actually in someone else’s body, someone else’s mind, we have no idea.  This is also true for the people who we do know and come into contact with on a daily basis.

Watching Angelina Jolie interviewed on Jon Stewart recently I heard her divulge her concern for her ability to direct Unbroken successfully—she has insecurities just like you and I, the not so famous, do!  It’s what we do with our own insecurities that we should compare to, not what other people are doing.  Insecurities are the price of being human and WE all have them although they’re not usually the first piece you see about a person on a movie screen or social media post, but be guaranteed, they’re there.

I’ve seen Angelina Jolie’s beautiful face and heard her lovely voice often within the last month.  I’d even said to my husband after one interview, “She just seems like a genuinely nice person.” I saw her speak in slow measured terms which, in my opinion, is a sign of a deep, contemplative peace, and quiet, stable confidence.

After wading through the muck of my jealousy and understanding it better, my wish and hope is that Angelina Jolie with all her fortune of beauty, all her fortune of love, and all her material fortune, that she has the same internal fortune.  I hope she is truly grounded and happy because the more peace she cultivates, the more peace expands to the world and other women.  This is how the world changes.

Likewise, the more serenity and good will you can wish for every woman, the more you have for yourself.  The more you have for yourself, the more you can share and spread and receive.  This ultimately serves everyone, especially yourself, better and fosters a true confidence for a more authentic, heartfelt, and joyful experience in life.

 

susSusan Bremer O’Neill, author, speaker, and coach, founded Self Appeal®, authored the woman-empowering memoir, From Sex Appeal to Self Appeal, and today helps women love their body, speak their truth and improve relationships.  http://www.selfappeal.com

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