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Allana Pratt Lets Go.

By on June 4, 2013
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“Remembering an old friend Cathy who said ‘let go of the tug of war’… sparked this change.”

 

Delicious jumping bean,

So time to spill more beans, my erotic magical bouncing bean.

The tears started last night in Pole Dancing class, it was a different class than usual. The new teacher touched places inside me that my amazing teacher hadn’t yet. Each instructor brings her unique gift of sultry invitation for my erotic creature to come out and play.

The way she played at least 5 slow songs during the warm up… so nourishing. Then when you don’t think you can receive any more sweetness for your body, another slow song of additional kindness. Then another song of caring, more replenishing touch for my lovely body. Then another song to completely cradle my soul… at one point there was no where to go but the total mush of surrender.

 

So I’m letting go of custody of my boy… for now.

 

He told his teacher over a month ago now that he wanted to kill himself. He hates his life, how his parents always fight, never agree. That he’s caught in the middle, squished in a vice trying to please both, loves both, sides with both and it’s destroying his heart.

Over the past 10 yrs, I have spent over $40,000 with coaches, healers, retreats, psychics to heal the relationship with his father. I’ve done Ho’oponono, 5 Day silent meditations, worked on an EMeter, looked at a photo of him saying ‘God Bless You’ 100 times each night. I’ve done Access classes, I have changed his name in my phone to GratefulGrateful. You name it. Anything and everything. Nothing changed his unwillingness to be kind, his insistency on being disagreeable and downright malicious. He’s tried to take him away from me in court last year saying I was crazy. Even then I stood wide, strong, clear and honest in my knowing of my truth, forgave him, won the case, and kept asking what else is possible?

 

I’ve created a trial period of letting go of custody of Gabe.

 

I remember Dain saying, when you’re a demand of yourself for things to change, it will NEVER look like what you think. No shit Sherlock. Never did I imagine I would choose this.

Back in February my body started letting me know what I’ve known for over 10 years… but was unwilling to face… that 50/50 isn’t working for me. My chicken pox as a kid erupted into the hugest shingles outbreak I could ever imagine, covering my mid back, down over my bum and along my upper thighs. Everything I tried made it worse. Pain to sit, to lie down…My body was SCREAMING for change.

 

A 6 month trial period of seeing him every 3 weeks for the weekend.

 

Reading Gary’s book about being the 990% of who I am and letting my child choose for himself… this sparked change.

Remembering an old friend Cathy who said ‘let go of the tug of war’… sparked this change.

Talking with my friend Tera & her recommended local coach who explained that a problem is when there are equal opposing forces of 50/50 …there’s no more problem when it’s 51/49… this sparked change.

Dancing weekly at SFactor, getting out of my head and listening to my body’s wisdom, embodying my body’s truth, being the totality of me fully expressed… this sparked change.

And repeated baths, guided meditations, crying, journaling, dancing wildly in the backyard, dropping into my knowing and listening to the lightness or heaviness of my body as I considered life 5 years from now with various choices….this sparked change.

Even giving my friend Monica my photo and prayer when she went to Brazil to see John of God (Peace & Pleasure Parenting. Healed body) … this all sparked change.

 

So I’m moving June 15th. 

I’m unwilling to look at his empty room everyday.

And so, the very same day Monica went before John of God in Brazil (which I was unaware was the SAME DAY), I went to my amazing lawyer Erin, covered in shingles, and told her my plan to let go. To let my ex think he’s the better parent, that he won, that he crushed me (THINK… not the truth, of course… yet allow his judgment of me and not shrink) and instead stand wide deep, expansive in MY truth that I am a bold brave selfless mother, doing everything I can for my son’s thriving, and for my thriving…

I told her that by getting out of the way, the problem can’t exist anymore. Gabe will be out of the pressure and be able to breathe, be aware, and be able choose for himself. My ex will use all that energy he used toward me in anger to either parent Gabriel well, or he will combust. I will keep a watchful eye, give Gabe a phone to call me (for his Dad doesn’t let him call me when they fight) and if need be, I can be in court within 24 hours for an emergency change in custody if need be.

The very next morning my shingles inflammation was gone. GONE. The marks were there to heal, yet the pain, the redness, the inflammation completely disappeared. Good body.

 

Listen to your body’s messages. It loves you.

 

When I told Gabe of my plans, initially he screamed, NOOO!!!! So I held him and let him know that this is not a conclusion, we can change this after a week, a month, a year, or never. If he’s happy, that’s what matters. And I love him in totality, no matter what he chooses, moment to moment. That there will be no more fights cuz it takes two to fight, that he can choose what works for him. That I honor what he chooses, that he can change his mind, that he’s creating his life.

He hugged me closer and tighter than ever before. He seemed ‘bigger’ than his 10 years. He gets I’m doing this for his flourishing. For my flourishing. For what’s possible. He said he’s scared with so many unknowns, yet the day after telling him, he told me he got all his work done before recess… that he’s never done that before, that he can concentrate. That he feels free. That he can breathe.

I took him to an energy worker, Dr. Nicole Elliot in LA, and he fell asleep on her table (hasn’t taken naps for 6 yrs) and she said there was so much healing of his heart that she felt dizzy after the session. Gabe woke, and said he went from a 5 to a 9 and feels happier than he can remember.

And so the papers aren’t signed, yet his attorney says he’s agreeable to my proposal. We’ll meet in January with an agreed upon child development specialist and see if this is working. If so, we’ll continue, if not, we’ll choose something else.

 

This is not what I thought motherhood would look like.

 

I’m letting myself out of the self made prison of 50/50, something I didn’t want to agree to. Yet I overrode my better knowing in favor of listening to my fears that ‘I couldn’t raise a child on my own, that I, a good mom ‘should’ let his Dad be in his life half the time’… I remember the day I signed the divorce papers like it was yesterday, sentencing myself to a life of hell for me and my son.

Now I take responsibility for that choice. I release self judgment and forgive myself for betraying my knowing. I get how this made me hate him for the past 10 years… I was really ME hating ME for going against my knowing. And I can choose again… and again… and again until I thrive, flourish and prosper in my glorious potency. I will never give up.

And so in three weeks I begin my world adventures, staying with friends, house sitting castles, cat sitting in chateaus (yet I’m not up for caring for 7 llama’s or 5 macaws… you’d be AMAZED at the possibilities out there!)

I’m having a gifting party of clothes, jewelry, books, candles etc. for my friends. Selling my things to strange and fabulous people I meet on Craig’s list, and learning to navigate the energy of life, following the whispers, trusting my knowing, living what’s true for me.

 

I have moments of sadness, fear, of WTF am I doing?

 

Yet I’m finding most of that is OTHER people’s stuff… that in the quiet sanctuary of my heart. I KNOW and SENSE that the energy five years from now is exquisitely expansive. And so I step into the unknown, like a goddess priestess angelic flying through the night sky led by the light of the Moon… fueled by limitless love for my boy.

I am experiencing selfless bold brave mothering, impermeable to the judgment of my ex or anyone for that matter. I’m connected to the yummy orgasmic energy of Life that delights in bringing me Joy. A potent readiness has awakened to serve, contribute and LIVE as a magnificent MILF. A vulnerable sweet heart, an unbridled force of soft strength… and share the journey with YOU glorious friend, every step of the way.

 

Deliciously surrendered,

Allana

 

P.S. Ladies, do you know one of the keys that keeps me going through all this? Connecting to the earth, being in communion with my body, surrendering into a potent soft strength. I tapped into this more exquisitely than ever in Costa Rica where I recorded guided meditations LIVE with the sounds of the jungle. I’m not sure if you have found these inexpensive divine recordings yet in my Shop… please gift yourself with my Embracing the Sacred Erotic You…luscious YOU in your fullest with these beautiful sensual enlivening meditations. If you are young or old, married or single… you will sense my deep love of you, belief in you and celebration of your beauty and grandeur. And you will be the space to receive attention, affection and magical moments with yummy ease.

 

Allana_MomSeriesIntimacy Expert Allana Pratt knows that sex is sacred, bodies are temples and true intimacy starts inside. This classy, sexy, Ivy League single mom has been featured on CBS, FOX, TLC and People Magazine, yet her capacity to ooze sensual confidence & awaken it in her clients comes from dissolving the shame and embracing the beauty of her experience as a topless dancer. Allana battled an internal war of body shame and sexual guilt that destroyed her confidence, joy and softness. Now she pole dances for pleasure and is the walking embodiment of ‘When mama’s happy, everybody’s happy!’ declaring it’s time to redefine MILF as a Maternally Inspiring Luscious Fox, whose potent radiance, exquisite intuition and sacred erotic nature is the seed and soul of a thriving family, community and planet. Allana also adores men, heals their emasculated hearts, cures their ‘nice guy’, awakens their noble badass honoring of women, which in turn provides the safe harbor, appreciation and touch many men desire. She’s the proud mama of her 10 yr old son and has helped thousands find confidence, sex appeal and thriving relationships through her programs, DVDs and provocative weekly show, IntimateConversationsLIVE.com 

 

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