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The Real You Inside the Box

By on June 8, 2016
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Written by Mary Roberston

Be yourself, not your idea of what you think somebody else’s idea of yourself should be!

~Henry David Thoreau

One of the first things we learned as children was that we had to fit into the “box” that was filled with the expectations of others. We learned how important it was to feel that we belonged and that others liked us.

As teenagers we tried be a part of the “in” crowd, which meant that we had to wear certain clothes, cut our hair in a certain way and participate in the trendy events, whether we had an interest in it or not. To follow the crowd, most teenagers pretended to like a lot of things that they didn’t like and do things they knew weren’t right. But the need to belong to the group was probably stronger than anything their parents told them.

As adults, most of us have continued along the same path of trying to fit in and to this day, we keep trying to wear the right masks that helps us blend into what everyone else is doing, liking and saying.  Yet it seems that despite our best efforts, we still feel like we aren’t good enough for one reason or another.

And then at a certain point something changes inside of us. We become fed up of trying to be just so normal and “fit-in-able”.    We start to think about all the energy that it takes to live up to the expectations of others and then the unthinkable happens.  We start to make decisions based on what is important to us instead of others. And worst than that…we start to say no!

When this happens, some women go a little crazy. Some dare to throw out their high heel shoes because they realize that they were only wearing them to try and look good for someone else and they were damn uncomfortable.  Some quit going for coffee every Saturday morning to catch up on the weekly gossip and had to face the shaming disapproval of their friends.

Others brake free by going back to school, quitting a job, getting a divorce,  moving across the country,  taking up swimming,  starting their own business, buying a piano, travelling to Australia all by themselves and some even let their hair go grey! Can you imagine doing such crazy un-think-able things!

fit inYes at a certain point, women start to dare to be themselves and the more that they do it, the more real they become. It can happen at any age and as they continue to let go of the expectations of others and start doing more of what they like, they realize that many of the challenges that were facing were based on their need to “fit in” to the standardized box that they were forced to crawl into as children, especially when they started school.  That box had a heavy lid that kept them secured into a standardized concept of who they were and how they had to be, ensuring that they would never try to escape because of the fear and the judgement of not being the same as everyone else.

And yet the lid was never real. It was just a made up story told to little kids who grew up believing that the world was filled with fears, limitations, shame and judgments. Once this is understood, women can bravely begin untying the strings from their tightly wrapped normal lives and find their way to freedom and their own kind of happiness. They can then become the woman they wanted to be. It is then that they can do their best work, become their most beautiful, create and fulfill their deepest passions, be their most loving and live their best lives.

Dare to be yourself even if the world is watching…….

Mary dec 2014 copyMary Robertson is a woman’s mentor, writer and storyteller who believes that women can find a way to live healthier and happier lives by using new words to tell their personal life story. She is the author of many published articles and an eBook called This Much I Know. You can find her at http://www.awomansstory.net

 

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