Home   >   Feature   >   I chose love, I chose passion, I learned how to turn myself on, I chose me.

I chose love, I chose passion, I learned how to turn myself on, I chose me.

By on June 6, 2016
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Written by Wildcherry Jem

 

I’ve come to another edge of mine, stared over into the chasm below, felt the boundaries, weighed the cost of jumping off my cliff, and excitedly decided to build my bridge to sensual freedom by writing again as my fabulous, wild woman self, Wildcherry.

After much deliberation, moving through the shame of being a female-oriented-erotica writer in my 50s, and shunning the stigma associated with ageism, I’ve welcomed this fabulous archetype into my life, once more.

As Wildcherry, I get to write shamelessly about my sexual awakening journey without worrying about my adult kids freaking out about their crazy-assed mom going public about her sex life with their dad…hahaha.

I totally get them but I also get myself.

With two of my sons moving into political careers, out of genuine respect for their privacy, and as a writer of ribald sexual expression within marriage, I choose to drop my real name for the purpose of their requested mom-anonymity.

As the matriarch of a larger than usual family, it’s been a bold move to write about sexuality because my former mom self was involved in a strict religious cult.

Sex truly was presented as the means of procreation and nothing was broadcast about the enjoyment of such.

I actually did receive a few challenges from other mothers of large families concerning the addition of more children in a weird type of mom-a-thon.

Suffice it say, I was disgusted since every one of my babies was desired for themselves and not an addition to my brood.

I find that concept completely disgusting in its negation of babies as being individuals.

The portrayal of sex as procreative in purpose, from the pulpits that I submitted myself to, left me stone cold frigid.

I found myself completely disinterested in the pleasure supposedly derived from sexual expression.

I was a willingly submissive wife, a mother of many, devoted to building up my family, and not sexually inclined in the least since that was reserved for ”those women of the night”.

I hated sex with a passion, lost all interest in intimacy, and knew my time had come to switch my life when in 2009, a coffee date conversation caused me to look deeply into my 25 year, Hunk Of Love husband’s distressed eyes.

He wanted me, I didn’t want him, and there was the beginning of my rub.

Thankfully, that soul rub lead me to learning how to body rub and I now relish a good rub in the tub.

I chose love, I chose passion, I learned how to turn myself on, I chose me.

Wildcherry, my moniker, came about as a ‘rescue her ass’ alter ego during a very stormy night.

Whilst racing my Ford Mustang GT through slippery streets, and basically losing hope about ever being sexually whole, I almost crashed.

An intimate act between my husband and I had gone horribly wrong – another story for my blog – and caused me to go half insane with shame.

I lost my bearings, raced away from my home, drove faster than I should have, and came to a grinding screeching halt when I almost lost control of my car.

I had kids, for goodness sake.

I was essential to my brood.

What was I thinking?

This had to stop, and stop right then.

It did.

I changed my direction in more ways than one, surrendered to umpteen crying tantrums onto my closet carpet and grieved lost years of youthful pleasure.

Gradually, I have been reordering my life.

That night re-started me.

Embracing my sexuality, as a precious and precocious facet of my personality, I began to fall in love with my whole self and not just my mind or spirit.

I had to come to terms with my asexuality and conquer my resistance to pleasure.

I wanted so badly to enjoy having sex but I had to alter my personality significantly to achieve my goal.

I am a work in progress, still pretty bound up, occasionally wound up, and sometimes a basket-case of emotionally overwrought pessimism about full-fledged sexual satiation.

I write about whole-bodied health, with gratitude.

I’m deeply thankful for the rock band, Wildcherry.

I know The Goddess brought that moment into my life, to save me from myself.

Hearing Wildcherry’s song, ”Play that funky music” blasting through my radio that stormy night, cracked open my soul.

Consequently, I chose their title as a fun-filled way to start writing about my journey.

Today, I step off my edge and into my more as a writer.

Waharrrrrrr 😉
x

jeanetteWildcherry Jem writes about the joy of being a woman. She encourages women to embrace the sacred discipline of self-care with an emphasis upon pleasurable living.

For thirty years, she has been married to the father of her many children and has been a stay-at-home-mom. She blogs at https://wildcherryjems.wordpress.com/

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