3 ways to break through mommy guilt this holiday season

• Tweet
• Pin It

With Beverly Pickard

What is mommy guilt?

It’s that feeling you get after you’ve yelled at your kids or said no to our child and ‘hurt their feelings’.  All moms have it, but you don’t have to be a victim to mommy guilt this holiday season!  I know your time is limited so I’m going to keep this short and to the point.

Mommy guilt comes from a place of shame, feeling like you aren’t enough and never living up to the high standards that you set for yourself.  Unrealistic, unattainable standards or beliefs that we’ve been given from our mothers and grandmothers.  The beliefs you hold about being a mom don’t align with your desires, values and 21^st century beliefs, because if they did you wouldn’t feel guilty.

Are you ready to question those beliefs and break through mommy guilt once and for all?  GREAT – let’s get started!

First Ask for HELP and accept it with GRATITUDE!

When we ask for and accept help from a place of love and gratitude we are releasing the belief that asking for help is a weakness and something we should feel guilty about.  It’s a should’a and as a mom you need to stop should’ing all over yourself.  Instead focus your time and energy on what you can do, ask for help from those you love and accepting their help – even if it isn’t quit perfect.

When asking for help the key to success is to Keep It Simple Stupid or K.I.S.S. – you love to kiss your kids so why not kiss them with a request for help! Keep the request simple, with only one thing they need to accomplish, tell them how much you appreciate their help – yes helping is an act of LOVE!

Second Set Boundaries of LOVE!

Melody Beattie in her book The New Codependency talks about boundaries being “limits of love, they come from inside us as honest expressions of who we are.  We begin to say what we mean and feel instead of what we think others want us to say.”

Start expressing who you are, living in integrity with your values and stop trying to be every ones best friend. When you set limits of love, your children and everyone else for that matter will respect you.  Yes RESPECT comes when you set healthy boundaries and stick to them. When you’re in integrity with your personal values you are able to set limits of love with your children and partner.

Whether you are a people pleaser, martyr or hoover mother you feel guilty because you aren’t setting healthy boundaries and creating limits of love with those you care for most.  You feel GUITLY when you say no to a request from a family member to bring just one more thing to the family gathering.  You start should’ing all over yourself during the holiday season because you are so focused on pleasing everyone else.  You are there to rescue everyone else who needs help, but you don’t ask for help yourself.

Stop the madness!  Start setting boundaries that align with your values and stop should’ing all over yourself.   Take back your momME time and focus on practicing self-care and doing what fills you up inside.  When you do what you desire you feel less guilt, frustration and overwhelm and have more energy. When you have more energy you can love more, play more and live more – finding the flow and natural rhythm of your life.

Third Make Yourself a Priority!

How? By caring for yourself, your health, and your emotional and spiritual well-being.  Start doing things for yourself: buying yourself gifts, finding things that bring you joy and enjoying them (doing them).  It’s not about pampering yourself once a year or telling yourself “I’ll have plenty of time when the kids are older to pursue my dream of being an artist”. Making yourself a priority means committing to loving yourself, living your life in integrity and alignment with your personal values and it’s about putting the ME back in momME.

Become the CENTRE of your life and watch how your new found energy spirals outward from you to your children. 

You’re children are an extension of your energy.  When you begin to love yourself – they begin to love themselves. When you begin to make yourself a priority and set boundaries of love– they begin to respect you more. When you practice self-care you feel better about yourself and have more energy.  When you make yourself a priority your POWER to create, nurture and transform will be released.

Only you know deep down what you need to do to make yourself a priority.  What you must do to put self-care into your daily schedule!  What fills you up inside! What things give you energy and bring you joy!

For me I incorporate 15 minutes into my morning before my kids get up to read an inspirational quote or passage and then get clear on my 7 to-do’s for the day.  I do something with my body for at least 30 minutes a day (go for a walk, do a yoga class). I take 15 minutes before getting the kids from school to re-set myself.  Before bed each night I reflect on my day, write in my journal and give thanks for all that I have.

How much time do you schedule for yourself in a day?  Start by finding one thing that brings you joy and schedule it into every day! 

Remember this holiday season

·      GIVE to yourself!

·      ASK for help!

·      Set LIMITS of LOVE

·      Make yourself a PRIORITY

“Ask for help: Receiving is an act of generosity” – Cheryl Richardson

May your holidays be blessed with love, joy and gratitude!

Beverly Pickard is an S.W.A.T. accredited personal empowerment coach and the creator of the 21^st Century Mom Secret Super Power Program, and The Complete Mom Courses. It is her passion to empower heart-centered moms to have the life they desire. Through her coaching, speaking and writing she has encouraged moms to transcend traditional “mother” roles, connect with their power and put themselves at the center of their lives…so they can be a 21^st century mom.