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Living With a Narcissistic Partner: Identifying Red Flags, Coping Strategies, and Knowing When to Walk Away

By on September 8, 2023

By Asia Jamil

Being in a romantic relationship with a narcissistic partner can make you feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster. Their extreme need for validation, lack of empathy, and other damaging behaviors can leave you feeling drained, frustrated, and hollow. If your partner exhibits common narcissistic traits, here are some tips on coping and identifying when it may be time to walk away for your well-being.

Is It Easy to Detect a Narcissistic Partner?

Identifying narcissism in a partner can be complex. While some narcissistic traits like a grandiose sense of self and lack of empathy may be obvious, many narcissists can appear charming and confident initially, making their narcissism harder to discern. Some narcissists may even be adept at hiding their feelings of inadequacy or rage. Living with a narcissistic partner often takes time to recognize the extent of their self-absorption, need for admiration, and willingness to exploit others. Some narcissists are masters of manipulation or exhibit passive-aggressive behaviors that make their narcissism harder to spot. Look for a pattern of self-centered behaviors rather than isolated incidents. It is important not to jump to conclusions, as we all have moments of self-absorption. However, consistent narcissistic behaviors, an inability to take accountability, and erosion of your self-esteem are signs to pay attention to.

What Are Signs of Narcissism? 

There are different levels of narcissism, from healthy confidence to the mental disorder called Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Exaggerating achievements or talents and displaying a grandiose sense of self-importance are red flags to watch out for. Narcissists may dream of attaining unlimited power, brilliance, beauty, or their ideal of love. They often believe they are exceptionally special and unique and should only associate with other high-status, prestigious individuals. Narcissists require constant admiration and envy from others to feel good about themselves. They feel entitled to special treatment and expect others to comply with their demands. They exploit and use others to advance their goals and desires, lacking empathy for people’s needs. Narcissists often regard their partners as mere extensions of themselves rather than as separate individuals.

The Psychologist’s Perspective on Narcissism

According to psychologist Dr. Craig Malkin, narcissism falls on a spectrum, with full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder characterized by traits like entitlement, arrogance, lack of empathy, and a need for admiration. He explains that beneath their grandiose exterior, narcissists suffer from extreme fragility and rely on others’ approval to feel good about themselves. Their boastfulness and aggression conceal profound shame and emotional injury stemming from childhood. While narcissists yearn for love, their relationships crumble due to their tendency to exploit, ignore, and lash out at people. Dr. Malkin says that those with strong narcissistic tendencies can learn to develop self-love and sustain healthy relationships with great effort. But full narcissistic personality disorder can be difficult to treat.

What Are Strategies for Coping with a Narcissistic Partner?

Some coping strategies may help to live with a narcissistic partner, such as:

  1. Set clear boundaries with your partner about what behaviors you will not tolerate or accept, and consistently stick up for yourself.
  2. Reframe situations mentally to be less about your partner and more about you and your values. Their criticisms and outbursts likely reveal more about their internal issues than their worth.
  3. Seek emotional support systems outside the relationship, whether through close friends, family, counseling, or support groups.
  4. Manage your expectations around the relationship – you cannot expect true intimacy, empathy, teamwork, accountability, reciprocity, or equality from the dynamic.
  5. Mentally detach yourself during episodes when your partner is full of rage, and try not to take their words or actions personally.
  6. Remind yourself that their behavior stems from their disordered personality. Make self-care a priority, and proactively engage in activities that make you feel validated, confident, grounded, and whole.

How to Know When It’s Time to Leave a Narcissistic Partner

At a certain point, you may realize your narcissistic partner is very unlikely to change. There are several key questions to ask yourself: Does your partner take responsibility for their actions, show genuine remorse, and demonstrate self-reflection? Narcissists are largely unable to self-reflect or empathize with others. Do you constantly feel dismissed, rejected, devalued, and disrespected in the relationship? Healthy love fosters security and regard between partners. Have you started questioning your reality, perspective, and self-worth? It is often a sign your partner is emotionally abusing you, Red Flags! Do you dread everyday interactions with your partner and feel you must walk on eggshells to avoid blowups and rages? This dynamic type takes a heavy toll and is exhausting to sustain long-term.

If the relationship negatively impacts your mental health, happiness, and self-esteem, take this as a significant sign it is time to prioritize your well-being and walk away. Have compassion for yourself – you deserve to find genuine, meaningful love with a partner who brings out the best in you. Although it is a challenging process, brighter days are ahead after freeing yourself from a narcissistic relationship. You have the power to take control and can find a loving partner who cherishes you for who you are.

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journalism for women

I always knew I wanted to be a writer, but later I realized I was here to share the truth through journalism.

My proficiency in interpersonal communication is my greatest asset as a journalist. I entered the field of journalism after my Master’s degree in Visual Journalism from the University of South Wales in 2022. I believe when journalists are in charge, democracy is safe.

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