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Don’t Fold, Rather Strengthen Your Inner Muscle.

By on October 3, 2022

By Esther Murray

My story will always be about resilience. Since I was a little girl growing up on the island of Tobago, I’ve been taught to work hard and not rely on anyone else to move me forward in my quest for a better life. Nothing was ever handed to me except for bread at the bakery.

I’ve struggled all my life. While facing difficult times created some hurtful emotions and embarrassment, I also gained confidence in my ability to face hardship, learn, and adapt. Changing tires on the side of the road on a steamy hot day was not my idea of fun but was something I endured so I could feed a little baby girl.

As a minority woman working at a government agency infested with nepotism and unfair treatment, I’ve challenged self-defeat by changing my thinking and the way I react to all the negativity around me. Many people are in jobs or relationships that do not serve them but until you truly appreciate who you are and your reason for living, outside forces, cannot stop you from becoming the change agent that you are meant to be.

It is easy to let our circumstances hold us hostage. And, at times it is hard to stay afloat when the waters are choppy. When you gain resilience, you can admit that you see the difficulty but are willing to work through it rather than ignore it. In such instances, patience is a wonderful tool.

In my journey, I’ve noticed positive changes in my life as I’ve bounced back from my challenges. This doesn’t mean that you won’t feel pain. It means that you will eventually get to a better place. You’ll feel more motivation and drive.

When you realize that you can learn something from every experience, good or bad, it will become easier to stop beating yourself up. Make every experience a learning experience.

In my tumultuous journey, I have found that everything that happens is a product of or connected to our emotions. While we cannot control what other people say or feel about us, we can control how we react to all the circumstances we face. Start changing your perspective on negative situations. Think of how to make them into positive experiences. Ask what lesson I can gain from this so that I give a better response next time. Without learning from challenges life can beat us down and knock us out of the ring for a TKO. Muhammad Ali showed the world how to take punches and survive and become a winner, and you can too!!

As a coach, I can say to you that all emotions that you feel, both negative and positive, are valid. Accepting your emotions makes it easier to feel them. This doesn’t mean you must be at peace with it all; only acknowledge how you feel. For example, “right now I am feeling anger.” Give yourself permission to feel that emotion, so that it doesn’t end up controlling you and drowning out all the other thoughts and feelings in your head.

When you have the power to control your reaction to situations, you also have the power to control the next action that you take. As I’ve indicated earlier, every situation is an opportunity for you to learn something new and take another step up the ladder of your life. You will then be able to make wise, well-informed decisions in the future.

We must all take responsibility for our role in any situation. This helps us to take charge of our lives. As you look at your life and look at your role in it, you will realize your power to overcome and endure. For example, concerning a job or relationship that does not serve you, was there anything you could have done differently? What can you learn from it and apply it to the next challenge that presents itself? If nothing else, understand that life with all its unknowns is a great adventure and you should enjoy it fully and learn whenever you can, along with all the laughs.

In the end, building resilience in the face of adversity means not forgetting to take care of yourself. Always be true to yourself. Live according to your values. This will help promote self-motivation and confidence. You’ll find your life is more fulfilling when you know what’s important to you. Your values can help light the way when you’re unsure what to do.

Life is rarely perfect, sometimes chaotic. Living life is a beautiful thing. When you are resilient, you will remember that through every dark time.

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Esther Murray is a coach who specializes in helping professional women who have hit a dead end in their career due to getting passed over, feeling unappreciated, or lacking opportunities to move ahead in the workplace due to systemic gender discrimination and internal office politics. She is an experienced Administrator with over 23 years of experience in government of which seven years entailed management duties.

To learn more about Esther, her life coaching programs and how she can mentor you visit https://esthermurray.com

 

Feature Slider Image by Karim Manjra

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