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5 Tips for Fighting Fair in Relationship

By on July 13, 2020
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By Rachael Sullivan

According to Wikipedia, an intimate relationship is an interpersonal affair that involves physical or emotional intimacy. That means a relationship is not static—it has a starting point that includes love, fight, learning, and unlearning. So either you meet on dating sites or through your friends, you should understand a relationship is a process. And this means the fight is inevitable. So without ado, here are some of the tips for fighting fair in a relationship.

Understand Yourself and Maintain Your Balance

Understanding yourself is the first step to having a fair fight in your relationship. Who are you? How easily are you irritated? These questions can help you understand who you are. And it contributes to a higher percentage of having a stable relationship. So, seek to understand who you are. Grow in self-awareness. Understand what affects your emotions and turns you off.

When you understand yourself, you can maintain your balance. And you can easily take charge of any situation and constructively handle any misunderstanding between you and your partner. For example, if you get angry easily during an argument, you’ll know when to avoid heated conversation. Or take some time off (by taking a walk) and stay away from your partner.

Listen and Understand First

Communication is the bedrock of a long-lasting relationship. Meaning that to fight fair in your relationship, you need to listen with the intent to understand, not listen to respond. According to Stephen Harvey in his book: “the seven habits of highly effective people,” to have an interesting communication with the other person, you need to listen and understand what the person is saying first. Then provide your solution to the underlying problem without condemning your partner’s contribution.

When you misunderstand your partner, try to listen attentively to them, understand what they are trying to say, and provide an open-ended solution to the problem.

Take Responsibility, Don’t Criticize

It’s human nature to criticize. This is not the right way to resolve a problem. Even if care is not taken, it can escalate the problem. So, never attack your partner; always take responsibility. Attack the underlying problem, not your partner. Take responsibility, own your feeling, and express how you feel, not what you think. For instance, say “I feel,” instead of “I think.”

Also, avoid assuming what your partner is thinking. You can’t read minds, and even if you can, don’t! Trying to tell your partner how they are feeling means you’re projecting your feeling on them. And this will only worsen the already worsened case. Let your partner tell you what is on their mind and find the right way to solve the problem.

Don’t take Advantage of Your Partner’s Vulnerability

One of the rules of boxing is, “You don’t attack below the belt!” This also applies to fight in a relationship—don’t attack your partner’s vulnerability no matter what happens. Everyone certainly has vulnerabilities, and your intimacy with them means that you could know their weaknesses.

So no matter what happens, don’t attack your partner’s vulnerability. You may win the current fight if you hit their weak points, but the truth is that you lose—you only ruin your relationship with your partner. This is because they’re not going to trust you again, even if you resolve the problem and become closer than now.

Understand that Fighting in Relationship is Inevitable

The last but not the least tip for fighting fair in a relationship is to understand that no one is perfect and fighting in a relationship is inevitable. Only when you realized this is when you can develop a strategy to accept disappointments without being aggressive. So understand that when you have a misunderstanding with your partner, there are no losers or winners. The point of fair fighting is to strengthen the relationship and to promote intimacy.

Conclusion

Like already said in the last point, fighting in a relationship is inevitable. One of the questions you need to ask yourself is that, are you fighting fair or not? If you realized you’re not having a fair fight, the above tips could guide you through planning your fight so that you can have a fair fight with your partner.

 

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rachRachael Sullivan is a family lawyer for many years with a sole practice in family law, she has seen the effect of not having clear communication with your partner during a divorce. Words are powerful and can change everything. She enjoys sharing healthy tips for relationship so that it can be as easy and happy as possible.

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