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Am I Thin Enough and What’s Enough?!

By on May 28, 2018
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By Sandra Elia

My chosen profession is both a blessing and a curse.  I must practice what I preach, otherwise, I am a fraud and I stand for nothing.  I am only my word and how my work shows up on my body.  Talk about being vulnerable!!  I can’t hide how I am doing.

I created a program called “Food Addiction Recovery”, and I decided that everyone is expecting me to be model thin. I’m not.  What does that say about me? What does that say about my message?  Am I thin enough and what exactly is enough?

I smashed the scale a long time ago.  My weight is none of my business. My business to eat fresh, alive, whole foods and move my body.  The number does not define me.  Gone are the days of eating to appease the scale; gone are the days of total disappointment after working hard and not seeing the number I wanted. The number on the scale is no longer the prize. The prize is feeling great about what I am doing and how I am feeling.

If I can’t use the scale to validate my body, let me turn to my dress size, can I be defined by my dress size? Well, it all depends on where I’m shopping.  Some retailers have figured out the game, and know if I can fit into a smaller size at their shop, I am a loyal customer forever.  But I can’t get satisfaction here, and I won’t let this number define me either.

Then I look in the mirror, will I get the answer I am searching for? Am I thin enough? Unfortunately, having this diseased called food addiction for the better part of my life has left me with a serious complication called “distorted perception”.  Our brains are powerful machines, I can see things that are not there, and I can feel things that aren’t true.

Maybe I should let you validate my size.  I can put my self-worth on a platter and shop it around.  Post a picture on “Hot or Not” and let you decide how I feel about myself.

Many of us are searching for validation and self-worth outside of ourselves, our jobs, our partners, our grades, such a dangerous game.  Allowing self-worth be fueled by a fleeting source such as public option.

I need something grounded inside of me, a sense of worth that is so strong no one needs to give it to me, and no one can take it away.

When you ask me: Am I thin enough?
I answer: What is enough?
And isn’t the real question:  AM I ENOUGH?

What if I am not thin enough to do this job? Then what?  How would an empowered person handle this?

I am not a size zero and I am not a size 20, I am a healthy body size, strong and fit.   I don’t want to spend the rest of my days lamenting that I was never a size zero. I don’t want to be on my deathbed and look back at the years wasted not enjoying who I was.  An empowered woman doesn’t look outside herself to set the standard.  An intelligent person knows that the people on magazines covers are not real.

STOP comparing yourself to an ideal, that is not REAL. Start embracing, loving and nurturing who you are today.  This will give you the fuel to honor and care for your body.  It is hard to care for someone you despise, including yourself!
Until I am completely at peace recognizing with my beauty, my magnificence, will I be able to recognize your beauty and your magnificence.

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sssSandra Elia a Certified Food Addiction Counselor. Working alongside top obesity and addiction doctors to develop a food addiction recovery program. Patients report weight loss, reduction in medications and, finding neutrality with food.

Sandra is authentic, open-hearted; not to mention she’s lost over 100 pounds herself over 14 years ago!

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