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Seven Ways To Find Your Inner (and Real) Happiness

By on November 25, 2013
DebEd

By Ed and Deb Shapiro.

 

Happiness is one of the most misunderstood words in our vocabulary yet we search for this intangible state our whole lives: if I only had this or that, if I met the right partner, had children / grandchildren, the job I’ve always wanted, then I would be happy. The ancient yoga and spiritual teachings, however, stress that happiness is real only when we let go of seeking material and transient things and discover the lasting joy that is within.

We taught a workshop where a number of the participants had lost loved ones in the past years: one had lost her son to AIDS, another had lost her husband, son, and mother all within twelve months, another’s partner had drowned.  Others were dealing with specific illnesses, or difficult issues in their lives. What really emerged for everyone was the awareness that their real happiness is within themselves, that it’s not dependent on someone or something outside of them. They had lost what they had thought of as their source of happiness—a loved one or their health—and now had to look more deeply within themselves. It was a weekend of many ‘aha’ moments!

Here are some of the ways our workshop participants discovered how to feel happy again:

 

1. Not take yourself too seriously. At times of hardship, such as loss or illness, it’s easy to lose your humor, and even easier to get involved with the negative aspects of what is happening. Remembering not to take yourself too seriously brings a lightness and acceptance to the weight of circumstance around you. Remember—angels can fly because they take themselves lightly!

Do you take yourself too seriously? Can you connect with your lightness of being?

2. Not identify with suffering, loss, or illness, as being who you are. Many of our participants realized how they’d been identifying themselves as a cancer survivor / widow / recovering addict, or whatever it may be, but had not asked who they were without that label or identity. When you don’t identify with the negative issues, then who you really are has a chance to shine.

What labels do you use to identify yourself with? Who are you without the labels?

3. It’s OK to be you, just as you are, warts and all. You may think you’re imperfect, a mess, falling apart, hopeless, or unable to cope. But true perfection is really accepting your imperfections. It is accepting yourself, complete with all the things you like as well as the things you don’t like. In this way you’re not struggling with or rejecting yourself. Each one of is unique, a one-time offer, but we can’t know this if we are facing away from ourselves.

Try accepting just one little thing at a time – a toenail, a blade of hair, your eyes – until the whole of you is accepted and loved.

4. Make friends with yourself. Your relationship with yourself is the only one you have that lasts for the whole of your life, and you can be the greatest friend or the worst enemy to yourself. So it’s very important not to emotionally put down or beat yourself up. Just be kind.

Your relationship with yourself is the longest one you will ever have. Can you become your own best friend?

5. Feel everything, whatever it may be. When you are suffering, it’s easy to want to deny or repress your feelings, as they get huge and overwhelming. But if you can really honor whatever you are feeling then it’ll bring you closer to the inner happiness beneath the suffering or grief. Acknowledging and making friends with your real feelings is the greatest gift.

Do you deny, ignore, or repress your feelings? Write down what you are really feeling.

6. Forgive yourself. Love yourself. Treasure yourself. These are big steps, but each one liberates the heart and sets you free. You need to forgive yourself for feeling angry, for getting upset, for all things you think you’ve done wrong. They are in the past and who you are now is not who you were then. You can take any guilt or shame by the hand, invite it in for tea, and open yourself to self-forgiveness.

Look carefully and see where you may be holding on to past issues, blame or guilt. Now take a deep breath and enter into a state of forgiveness, for both yourself and all others.

7. Meditate. There is an overwhelming amount of research showing how meditation changes the circuits in the part of the brain associated with contentment and happiness and stimulates the ‘feel-good’ factor. Meditating on love and kindness makes you much, much happier! And the only way to know this is to try it, so don’t hesitate.

Take five minutes to sit still and just watch the natural flow of your breath. Then see if you can connect with that place of inner happiness within yourself – it’s there!

 

20100107-ed-deb-shapiro-2-300x205Ed and Deb Shapiro are long-time meditation and yoga experts and the authors of many books on meditation, including the Gold Award-winning BE THE CHANGE, How Meditation Can Transform You and the World, with forewords by the Dalai Lama and Robert Thurman; and YOUR BODY SPEAKS YOUR MIND, Decoding the Emotional, Psychological, and Spiritual Messages That Underlie Illness. They teach worldwide, blog for Oprah.com and HuffingtonPost.com, and host a LIVE talk radio show. They are the co-founders of Revolutionary Mindfulness, and can be found at RevolutionaryMindfulness.com and EdandDebShapiro.com.

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