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5 Ways to Help Your Teen Avoid the Comparison Trap

By on November 28, 2022

By Cindy MacCormack

We’ve all fallen into the trap of comparison at some point in our lives. Likely more than once. It’s so easy to get sucked into comparing ourselves to someone else and their picture-perfect life. We might have wished we had their looks, envied their accomplishments, or longed to go on that vacation they were enjoying. And to be fair, it’s typical human nature to compare ourselves to others.

According to social comparison theory, comparing yourself with your peers is part of identity formation. And this is especially true in the case of teenagers. This process helps adolescents figure out where they stand in terms of their beliefs, preferences, and attitudes. So, as you can expect, teens are especially susceptible to falling into the habit of comparing themselves as they try to establish their own identities and fit in.

And while it is quite common to make comparisons, it is also one of the fastest ways to feel badly about ourselves. We’ve probably all experienced the after-effects of comparison. Rarely, do we make a comparison without feeling jealous, inferior, or inadequate. And to compound the problem, with so much access to technology and social media, it’s almost impossible for our teens to not get caught up in the comparison trap. Every day they’re bombarded with the number of friends and followers and selfies and images that are edited to perfection. Social media has magnified the impact of social comparison. And this has taken a toll on teen mental health. Recent studies show a link between teens, social media, and increased rates of depression.

Helping your teen navigate health and unhealthy comparisons isn’t easy. I know even as an adult, I can sometimes be guilty of negative comparisons myself. But the earlier we teach our teens how to identify their triggers and employ coping strategies, the more resilient they will become.

Here are five tips that you can work on with your teen to help them start to shift away from the trap of comparison and towards more happiness and thriving.

1. Build awareness.
They can’t change their behavior if they don’t realize it’s happening. Every time you see your teen comparing themselves to others, point it out to them. Comparison can be so automatic and your teen may not even be aware of how much they do this. The first step in breaking the habit is recognizing when and how often they are falling into comparison.

2. Identify their superpowers.
We are all good at something. Whether it’s being a whiz at math, great with animals, a good listener, super athletic, or any number of other things. Help your teen to discover their special superpowers so that they can focus on these strengths. The more our teens can cultivate their intrinsic abilities and develop their appreciation for who they are, the less they will fall into the comparison trap.

3. Practice gratitude.
Feeling grateful for what we have helps us to recognize the good things in our life. Many studies have shown that this simple act leads to positive change, a greater sense of happiness, and a positive attitude. Remembering to be grateful for what they have can help your teen keep negative comparisons at bay. Work with your teen on ways they can incorporate a gratitude practice into their daily routine. A few ideas to get them started include making a daily gratitude list, writing journal entries, or simply highlighting one good thing that happened each day.

4. Stop the scroll.
We can’t fight the fact that technology is integral to our teen’s life and friendships. But the more time our teens spend on social media the more likely they are to be comparing themselves to the constant flow of overly perfect images on their screens. And while it may seem impossible, one of the best ways to curb this is to limit the time on social media. When they feel the temptation to scroll, encourage them to take a break – even if it’s just for an hour. Taking a walk, reading a book, or making a date with a good friend can help them to clear their head, reconnect them with the real world and give them a break from the digital reality. It’s a challenge I know – but the payoff is worth it!

5. Compare yourself with yourself.
The one truly helpful comparison you can make is with yourself. Help your teen to compare themselves now with who they were a year ago, five years ago, or ten years ago, and have them recognize and acknowledge how far they have come. Celebrate with them the advancements they are making and how much they have grown and learned over that time and contemplate what goals are next to be achieved.

The bottom line: Social media has made it harder than ever before for all of us to break away from comparison – and teens are bearing the brunt of it. Techniques to avoid and cope with comparison when it strikes are key to the mental health, self-esteem, and self-image of our teens.

The best way to a fulfilling life is to appreciate yourself and what you have rather than focus on what you’re lacking. So, sit down as a family, turn off the phones and talk about what you appreciate, and celebrate the successes – big or small.

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Cindy MacCormack is a life and wellness coach for teens and young adults. Cindy is a certified life, health, and mastery coach, and a graduate of the specialised teen coaching program Teen Wisdom Inc as well as a graduate and certified trainer of the CIJ Clarity Catalyst program for adults and teens. Cindy has over 15 years of experience in the wellness arena as a personal trainer, fitness instructor, and baby fitness mompreneur and is the proud mom of two amazing teens. For more information visit www.cindymaccormackcoaching.com

Feature slider image by Raphael Nast

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