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4 Essential Practices to Free You from Negative Thinking

By on September 24, 2018
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By Bethany Fullerton

Last November, I was in a dark place. I was experiencing extreme stress in every area of my life: relationships, finances, work and was even facing the possibility of being deported from the life I had known for 9 years for reasons completely beyond my control.

The stress became so intense that I often told my therapist that I felt like I was suffocating. I felt exhausted – dragging myself out of bed each day and pushing myself through the things I needed to do during the day just to collapse in bed at night. I felt emotionally numb, nothing seemed to bring me any joy or contentment. Instead, I felt nothing.

I was caught up in a cycle of negative thinking. Even though I knew rationally that there were many good things in my life, it became increasingly harder to notice these positive things. All I could think about was where I wanted my life to be and how it was not even close to that vision.

We humans are wired towards negative thinking. It’s a survival mechanism meant to help us survive the threats of life. Yet, in our modern day, many things that our bodies and brains perceive as threats, which trigger the stress response, are not matters of life or death.

Yet this survival mechanism thrives, even when life isn’t so difficult.

Now if you are a spiritual person on the path of personal development like me, you know that what you focus on grows. Therefore, if you focus on the negative, that is what will grow in your life. It’s like sending out silent prayers to the Universe that will be delivered.

You believe this, but you still find yourself caught up in the cycle of negativity.

So what’s the answer?

It may not be feasible immediately to just switch your negative thoughts into positive ones. Because, frankly you don’t believe them at that moment and that would be a dishonest and inauthentic way to transform your experience.

I was faced with this same dilemma. I knew I wanted to change my pattern of negative thinking and blaming others for my difficult experience.

This is when I discovered four essential practices every woman needs to get out the cycle of negativity:

Witnessing

When we’re facing the struggles of life, our tendency is to either run away from these emotions or to try to immediately switch into the pleasant emotions we want to feel. But neither of these ways works. They only serve to cover up the emotions and leave them to fester until later.

So this is when it is important to practice witnessing the emotions. This practice involves noticing our emotions and how these emotions manifest in our bodies. And then, watching them.

Using the breath as our anchor, we can recognize the emotions and what’s happening in our bodies as if they are waves, yet underneath is peace and stillness like the depths of the ocean.

You’ll notice as you watch your emotions and the sensations in your body, they will slowly transform.

Compassion

If there’s one thing that we as women could develop more of, it’s compassion for ourselves. We all go through pain and suffering. This is part of the human experience and is completely normal. So you can feel safe knowing that you are not the only one who has gone through difficult times before.

Simple compassion meditation asks you to sit. Become aware of the depth of your sorrows and suffering. And begin to recite these simple phrases:

May I be held in compassion
May my pain and sorrow be eased
May I be at peace

If it’s difficult to begin with compassion for yourself. You can begin with compassion toward a loved one. Someone to whom you find it really easy to open your heart up during times of sorrow. Notice how this feels for you in your mind and body. And then practice showing the same compassion towards yourself in the way described above.

The more you do this, you will open up to a whole new level of compassion to yourself, those around you and even for the suffering of the world.

Investigating

When we have taken the time to pause and witness our difficult emotions and show compassion for these, then it is time to investigate. To ask ourselves what do I need? What loving presence do I wish was shown to me during this difficult time?

The answers for these questions are abundant. Perhaps it is a hug, perhaps it is acceptance, perhaps it is rest.

Once we know what we need, the practice then becomes giving that need to ourselves. Rather than expecting this from someone else, we give ourselves the acceptance we need, we give ourselves the rest we need.

As women it is often difficult to give ourselves what we need. We feel selfish. We feel like we need to fulfill the needs of those around us before our own. But the reality is, that when we give ourselves the loving presence we need, we can be this loving presence to others and give it even more generously.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is at the heart of the ability to heal and move on towards a brighter future. A practice of forgiveness meditation occurs on three levels: forgiveness from others for the ways you have hurt others, forgiveness for yourself for the ways you have hurt yourself, and forgiveness for others for the ways they have hurt you.

This practice is one to use for life and can be repeated as often as you need. Forgiveness is not about the other person, but about freeing yourself of things keeping you in the past and keeping you attached to the difficulties you’ve experienced.

Getting myself out of the cycle of negative thinking was not an immediate practice. In reality, it is a lifetime practice. But these four meditation practices were essential to get me to a place where I feel calm and strong. Where my focus on what’s going well outweighs my focus on what’s not going well. Where I feel clear, focused and headed in the direction of my greater purpose. Ultimately, that purpose is to make a difference in the world from a place of true inner freedom.

 

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Bethany HeadshotBethany helps busy women stress less so they have the time and energy to do what they love with those they love through a holistic approach including eating, emotional well-being and meditation. She’s offering a free gift for Simply Woman readers to jumpstart your journey to relax your negative thinking and regain your sense of joy and freedom. She can be found on her website and her private facebook community.

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